A Compendium of Thoughts
by ItIsRaining
Summary: After Edward is struck with a serious illness, Bella offers to give him a ride to school every day. His musings on life are priceless and unique. Based in its entirety on a true story.
1. Chapter 1

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

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><p>Based in its entirety on a true story and dedicated to Grant.<p>

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

FWD: Edward's Schedule  
>To: Bella Swan, Angela Weber<br>Monday, April 4, 6:45 AM

Hi Girls,

I know this is a random email, but I thought you might be able to help. Edward Cullen had another seizure last week and is not allowed to drive for six months. I know he goes to school with you girls and he can't drive himself there now. Below is his schedule and I thought that there had to be kids from the area that he could catch a ride with. If you or someone you know that goes to FHS would be able to give him a lift; that would be a huge help. I'm sure they would offer to pay gas money.

I'm not trying to put you two on the spot, I just figured you'd be a good place to start looking for help.

Hope you're both doing well.

Cathleen Stanley

Subject: Edward's Schedule  
>To: Cathleen Stanley<br>Sunday, April 3, 9:54 PM

Cathleen,

Edward's schedule is Mondays: 7:00 AM start and 2:50 PM finish. Tuesdays and Thursdays are 12:00 to 2:50. Wednesdays and Fridays are 7:00 to 7:50.

Obviously, he could stay on campus a couple hours and study if someone is available to bring him home anytime after his schedule ends. Let me know what you find out. I will put out an email to a few others as well.

Thank you so much,

Esme

I stared at the screen for a few minutes, trying to comprehend the overload of information from the league of enthusiastic moms. Cursing my father for making me a good person, I hit reply.

Re: Edward's Schedule  
>To: Cathleen Stanley<br>Monday, April 4, 10:12 AM

Hi Mrs. Stanley,

Of course I'd love to help Edward out. It seems that we run on very similar schedules and I'd be able to give him rides to the HS every morning. If there's ever a day that his ride can't take him home, I can stick around the school for a bit and drop him off as well. Just let me know.

Bella

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><p>I maneuvered my rusted pickup around the Cullen's winding, narrow street and pulled up to their house at 6:36 on Monday morning. Staring in silence at the tiny, old, white structure in front of me, I put my hand on the lever and hoisted myself out of the truck. Having not taken my eyes off of the Cullen's house the entire time I had been parked, I didn't notice that Edward was already standing on the porch, backpack in hand, hair slightly damp, and with a less-than-amused expression on his face. He looked thinner than I had seen him before, but still beautiful as he always had been.<p>

"Hey, Edward."

It got a shy smile out of him.

"Hi, Bella. Um," he looked sheepish "…thank you for doing this. You didn't have to…"

I cut him off. "You guys are on my way, don't worry about it. I'm being neighborly and all."

"Right." He looked at his feet and managed to look awkward standing on his own porch.

"We should get going, yeah?" I hedged.

He nodded and stepped off his porch, walking toward the passenger side of my truck. I tried not to notice the small patch of hair that was missing from the back of his head, covered with a metal plate.

I walked around to the driver's side and climbed in. After some difficulty with the door, he did the same.

We sat in silence for a few moments before I realized he was waiting for me to drive. I looked at the ancient radio on the dashboard.

"You probably want some music don't you? I'm not sure I've ever turned this on…what do you listen to?"

"I don't mind. I usually like the quiet in the morning." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Me too." I said, smiling.

Shifting the truck into reverse, I pulled out of the Cullen's driveway and drove through the forested area their house was hidden in onto the freeway. It took awhile to get to the high school. They don't build things close together in Forks.

Edward was staring out his window silently. I felt like I should at least try to start him in a conversation, but I didn't want to be too pushy or make him feel like he had to talk to me. My solution was to hum quietly to myself as I drove. Well, I thought it was quietly at least, but Edward's head snapped in my direction when I got a few notes into the tune.

"Claire de Lune," he said quietly.

"Yeah. You know Debussy?"

He nodded. "He's one of my favorite…" he trailed off staring out the windshield.

I looked over at him. "Yeah, me too. My mom used to play classical music around the house all the time. Debussy was one of her favorites as well, but what I could never understand—"

"Bella." Edward said abruptly.

"Hm?"

"Can you pull over for a second?" He asked politely, but there was urgency in his voice.

I looked over at him again, and startled when I saw that he was gripping the dashboard with both hands, his knuckles turning white. His skin had turned an unnaturally pale shade and he looked like he was going to be sick.

"Oh!"

I pulled onto the shoulder just in time for Edward to yank open the door and vomit violently on the side of the road. Not knowing what else to do, I scooted to the edge of the cab and put a hand on his lower back, trying to offer him comfort. He took a deep breath and coughed a few times, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I looked around frantically and spotted a bottle of water in the backseat. When he came up for air, I opened the glove box and got a few napkins, handing those to him as well.

"Thank you," he mumbled, wiping his mouth with a napkin. He took a big drink from the water bottle and rinsed his mouth out a few times.

"Are you alright?" I asked, seriously concerned.

"Yeah." He nodded, taking deep breaths. "Yeah, I'm fine…sorry."

"Don't worry about it, okay?" He didn't need to be apologizing for being unable to stop the contents of his stomach from reappearing.

"Kay." He took one more deep breath and shut the door.

I scooted back over to the wheel and put the truck back in drive, heading for the school. I wanted to ask Edward if that happened often, if that was what he had to deal with all of the time. I knew about his condition, but they said he had gotten surgery to remove the tumor. Apparently the tumor had recently made a reappearance and he had to have surgery again a few months ago. The seizures were an unfortunate side effect of his situation.

However, the last thing I wanted to do was make him more uncomfortable than he already was, so I continued humming Claire de Lune as I drove, hoping to comfort him without him realizing it.

When we pulled into the school parking lot, there were a lot of people there already due to the extra few minutes we were pulled over on the side of the freeway.

Edward sighed. "I'm sorry I made you late." He said resignedly.

"Edward. It's fine. We're not late, see? The first bell hasn't even rung yet." I stated simply while pulling into a space.

His hand was on the door handle before I even put the truck in park.

"We're here!" I tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah, thank you Bella. I'm sorry…about earlier." He finally made eye contact with me and gave me a crooked smile. I stared into his deep green eyes.

"Stop. Apologizing." I joked, kind of. "It's fine! We're here in one piece right?"

"Yeah…I'll see you around okay?" He said, getting out of the truck.

"Yep. Have a good day…" but I trailed off because he was already booking it through the mushy grass up to the front door of the school.


	2. Chapter 2

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer. Midsummer's Night is the property of the Yankee Candle Co.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

The next day, I woke up to a torrential downpour; a rarity for Forks despite its usual sprinkling of rain. Before I left the house, I grabbed a box of Kleenex and three water bottles to store in the backseat of my truck, out of Edward's sight.

On my way out the door, I snagged an umbrella too, just in case Edward didn't bring one. I paused with my hand on it, was I being too over-thoughtful? I didn't want it to seem like I was baby-ing him. But I shrugged to myself and took the umbrella anyway. With my hood up, I marched out into the monsoon and ran to the truck.

I pulled up to the Cullen's forest-enclosed house exactly two minutes earlier than I had yesterday, even in the rain, but Edward wasn't waiting outside today. I got out of the truck and ran up to the front door quickly to avoid the rain.

The lights weren't on in the house and I was afraid to wake someone up, so I knocked on the door a few times instead of ringing the bell. I stood under their porch for a few minutes, waiting, and still no one answered. I knocked again, louder this time. Through the window, I saw a figure moving in the shadows and coming toward the door. I took a step back as the beautiful woman I knew to be Edward's mom opened the door and greeted me with a warm, but confused smile. Mrs. Cullen was young to have a sixteen-year-old son and and it showed. She had flawless pale skin, similar to Edward's, as well as his deep green eyes and rust-colored hair. This morning, she was dressed in a simple pencil skirt, a ruffled blouse, and heels, obviously on her way to work.

"Hello, Bella! How are you this morning?" She asked, way too cheerfully for this early in the morning, in my opinion.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. I'm…good. Tired." She laughed at that. "Is Edward ready?"

"Well, that's why I was a bit puzzled when you came to the door. I thought he already left with you?" She said as more of a question.

"Oh. That's strange. No, I haven't picked him up yet. Did he get a ride with someone else?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I watched him walk to the end of the street this morning quite early, I thought maybe you intended to pick him up there." She said, still confused.

Dread filled my stomach as she spoke. Oh no. This explained his quick retreat from my car yesterday, why he gave no indication of our future car rides in the morning. He didn't intend on riding with me anymore after yesterday's trip. He was too embarrassed about what had happened, and if Mrs. Cullen didn't see him getting picked up by anyone else, that meant…

"I know where he went."

I drove the route to the high school slowly, my eyes always on the sides of the road and darting around quickly in my slightly-panicked state. When I pulled onto the freeway, I thought maybe I was too late, but just as I was rounding the first turn I caught sight of a tall, dark figure walking along the shoulder about 400 feet ahead, hood up and head down in the relentless rain.

I slowed down alongside of him, keeping his pace. He couldn't tell I was there, or at least gave no indication of it, probably unable to hear the roar of the engine over the rain. His jeans were completely soaked through, a dark indigo when wet, and his dripping black hoodie clung to his arms and wrists which were raised, hands clasping the sides of the hood covering his head.

I cranked down the window about halfway and yelled as loud as I could over the noise.

"Edward! What the HELL do you think you're doing!"

He jumped slightly and looked up at me, startled. There was rain dripping off his gorgeous pale face from his chin and eyelashes. The expression on his face was not surprised at all. He didn't say a word in response, but when those deep green eyes connected with mine, I felt as if he was speaking to me. He was determined, but still lost and just...sad. He stood there looking at me for a few long moments, then faced forward and kept walking. I continued to follow him on the side.

When he finally did speak, his words did not reflect what I saw in his eyes. "I'm going to school, Bella." He said in a patronizing way. I would be able to hear his sigh if not for the pounding rain.

"And you're WALKING! In a goddamn HURRICANE!"

"It's not a hurricane, Bella, it's a little rain." He shrugged which pissed me off even more.

I guess I have temper issues, so I decided to take it out on him.

"STOP SAYING MY NAME LIKE THAT!"

"Like what!" He had stopped walking and was facing me now. I had stopped the truck and we were now in a full-out confrontation on the side of the highway at six-thirty in the morning.

"Like I'm three years old and I don't know what rain is!"

He looked me in the eye and stared for a few moments. Then, he shook his head exasperatedly and continued walking.

"Go to school, Bella."

Oh, that was it.

I turned the truck off and got out of the warm cab, my hood still up over my head. I walked up to him and stood directly in his path with my hands on my hips. His lanky frame towered over me, but I stood my ground.

"Edward Cullen. Get. In. The. Car. Right. Now."

He stopped walking and looked into my eyes again. I'm not sure what he saw there or what motivated him to comply, although at the time I hoped it was fear of me…yeah, right. But, regardless, he gave a deep sigh, remnants of the same pained expression from earlier crossing his face for a few seconds before he turned around and walked back to the truck where it was still waiting, door open, twenty feet behind him.

I watched Edward's retreating form for a few moments while collecting myself, before I followed and climbed into the truck after him.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, both of us dripping onto the tan seats and breathing heavily. I decided to be the bigger person and talk to him first. I looked over at him where he was staring out his window, looking completely defeated. Whatever snarky remark I was preparing to make about his little adventure this morning completely died in my throat.

"Edward." I said it as softly as I could. He continued to look out the window as if I hadn't spoken.

I sighed. "I offered to drive you in the mornings. You didn't have to walk. I don't want you getting sick."

"I'm already sick, Bella." He said lifelessly. He had yet to look at me since we'd been in the car. Although I knew about this already, it was still shocking to hear someone talk about their own weaknesses so bluntly.

"Well, you're certainly not helping things are you?" It came out a little sharper than I intended.

He didn't respond and I decided that I was better off not speaking at all until I got my attitude under control.

We were still a few minutes from the school when he finally spoke.

"I don't want to be…a burden for you, Bella. I…I have issues. I know that. You know that. I thought that maybe this thing could work out and so I tried, I really did try yesterday, to be optimistic. But, as soon as we took off, I felt sick and it was like..." he laughed a little, darkly, "I don't know, it was like an omen or something." He paused in thought for a few moments. "I just don't want anyone going out of their way for me."

It was the most I had ever heard him say at one time. I was equally happy that it wasn't because he was embarrassed and infuriated because he thought of himself as 'a burden'.

I wanted to tell him that I was different from other people. I was meant to take care of people and I had known this since I was a little girl. He didn't want to be taken care of or coddled in any way; I could understand and respect that, but I wasn't donating organs or cutting off limbs for him. I was driving him to the school and he was going to accept it, damnit.

"Edward…it's a ride to school." Somewhat sarcastically, I continued, "I accepted the challenge of taking you to school and everything else that may come with it," implying yesterday's vomit incident slyly, "so suck it up and be ready at 6:35 every week day, got it?"

Edward was looking at me incredulously, believe me, with my sailor's mouth, I knew what incredulous looked like by now. He stared for a few moments before shaking his head and then nodding, a small, but beautiful smile on his face.

"Yeah." He smiled wider, one side of his lips going higher than the other. "Yeah, okay."

"Good." Now, I was smiling.

"So now that you are my house guest of sorts," He snorted. "I suppose I should ask you about your opinion on my candle."

He made an expression of confusion, eyebrows drawing together and his lips puckering slightly. I pointed to the scented car freshener in the shape of a candle that I picked up a few days ago in preparation for our arrangement.

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that. Your thoughts."

"It's um…it's nice?"

"Your real thoughts. Do you think it smells nice? Does it relax you? Does it prepare you ready for the chaotic proceedings of the day? Do you feel at one with it?" I asked seriously, looking at him for answers.

"That's from Yankee Candle Company right?" He was looking at the freshener with his head tilted to the side.

"Ah, it is indeed. Don't tell me that I was lucky enough to be given a Yankee Candle Company expert as a 'houseguest'?"

"My mom burns that stuff around the house all the time. Some of it smells pretty good, but some are too…I really don't know how to say this without compromising my sexuality." He paused in thought for a moment. "I guess they're just too manly?"

I tried not to laugh, I really did. But, some things, you understand, were just meant to be. So, I burst into laughter while he covered his face with his hand. I could tell that I had embarrassed him, so I quickly recovered.

"Well, which one is your favorite? Do you know the name?" I said in between spasms of laughter.

"I don't wanna tell you." He mumbled from underneath his hands.

"Come oooooon." I tried to encourage him; I wanted to know so I could stop by Yankee Candle after school today.

"Mifmer Nie." He was still mumbling.

"What?" I leaned closer, keeping one hand on the wheel.

"Midsummer's Night!" He had finally uncovered his face and was now staring up at the ceiling in exasperation, but there was still a smile on his face.

I gasped. "You're kidding."

"Why would I kid about something like that?" He was laughing now as he spoke.

I didn't respond, I merely opened up the glove box and shuffled around, searching. I found what I was looking for and closed the box with a dark blue, candle-shaped, Midsummer's Night scented car freshener in hand. Edward smiled, more widely than I had ever seen him smile, and took it from me. He quickly replaced the too-manly freshener with our mutual favorite.

We talked for awhile about various candle scents; arguing about their fruity-to-masculine ratio. I was pleased to learn that he enjoyed the more feminine scents, but when they got too flowery, they made him want to gag. He had very strong feelings about seasonal candles. The ones of the Christmas variety, for example, were disgusting to him: "Your room should never smell like Gingerbread and Holiday Cheer". I wholeheartedly agreed with him. I also learned that he believed that around Halloween, everything smelled good. Not just seasonal candles but the atmosphere outside changed and everything had a magical feel to it. This is how we got to talking about his favorite season, Autumn. The crunchy leaves under his feet, the constant shifting of the colors of the trees and the birds flying south, that feeling he got in his gut that things were changing and winter was on its way: he loved it all.

I was beginning to discover that within the shy, sad boy that everyone saw, who I even used to see, was an extremely passionate and intense one who wouldn't take petty things such as candle scents and crunchy leaves for granted. I wanted to learn more about him. I wanted to know him. I even wanted to be his friend. So, I decided, right then, that this would become my mission. I wouldn't push for details about his illness, I would just sit and listen to him talk about his passions. Be there for him in a way no one had yet and hope that it was enough to open him up.

With this in mind, we finished the drive to Forks High with the scent of Midsummer's Night permeating the air and the sound of the pouring rain.

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><p>I still buy the Midsummer's Night candles and yes, I still have a swearing problem.<p>

Okay, first author's note, yay! I put a little more information about this story on my profile, but, like I said, I'm going to keep the information about the real story to a minimum to protect privacy and maintain the fanfiction illusion.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! I never knew how much reviewing really makes an author's day till I posted this story. If you're lurking and haven't reviewed, just drop by and say what up.

-ItIsRaining


	3. Chapter 3

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

About a week into our arrangement, I suggested that Edward sit with me at lunch. I knew that Angela had been taking him home from school and I figured he would be a little more comfortable knowing two people, rather than just me, at the table. I had noticed that he normally sat alone.

The cafeteria was set up in a circular shape: the middle part was left empty and the tables spiraled around it. There were also brick supporting columns lining the perimeter, which had bench-like brick structures jutting out from their sides. Most days, the cafeteria overflowed quickly and the laggers were forced to sit there. Edward sat on one of them every day, by choice I assumed because he always strode into the cafeteria and went straight for the outskirts before all of the tables had a chance to be filled. I had noticed that occasionally someone would come up and make small talk with him, but usually he sat by himself, sideways on the bench, sandwich on his lap, staring at the brick in front of him while looking deep in thought.

So, it isn't surprising that after about a week of witnessing this, I decided to intervene.

His response, as well as being extremely predictable, was kind of pathetic.

"I don't know, Bella…" Edward said quietly as we pulled into a parking space.

"Oh, come on! What are you afraid of?"

He paused for a moment. "Don't you think that'd be weird? I mean, I don't even know your friends, besides Angela, I guess."

"There you go! See? It won't be weird at all because you'll know Angela _and _me. Besides, my friends will love you, just give them a chance."

He needed to stop closing himself off from other people. Because I knew, I just _knew _that if he got talking to them, they really would love him. It was impossible not to. His off-kilter, completely random thoughts and infectious smile would draw them in just as they had for me.

Edward was silent for a few minutes as he stared at the school through the windshield. I looked over at his profile, its imperfections making him so beautiful; the slight crook of his nose, his thick eyebrows drawn together in thought, his full lower lip caught between his teeth. I wondered how someone so beautiful could feel so self-conscious.

Finally, he spoke in a low voice. "I'm not really used to making friends, Bella. When I found out about the…tumor I just kind of let all of mine go."

This explained his hesitation to open up to me in the beginning, as well. He had yet to talk to me in any detail about his illness, or whatever it was, but I wasn't going to push him. Edward was the kind of person who would come around when he was ready to tell me, when he trusted me enough.

"Edward," I said softly. His head turned slightly in my direction.

"Look at me." He did, his deep green eyes looking sad and defeated. "You're allowed to have friends. They could help you through this. You just need to let people see how special you are."

He absorbed this and looked down in thought. I waited for a few minutes before I looked at my phone, checking the time.

"We have to go inside now. It's up to you, okay? I would _love _if you came and sat with us today, but I won't force you. Think about it, I'll leave a seat open for you next to me and you're welcome to it if you choose."

He nodded and then looked up at me again. I smiled, trying to reassure him of my confidence that he would be fine. With that, we both got out of the truck before heading in opposite directions for our first period class.

My knees were bouncing underneath the table hyper-actively. I looked at the clock again: 11:55. Where was he? He usually came early, ate quickly, and then ducked out of the cafeteria as soon as possible. It was already five minutes after the bell had rung and there was still no sign of him.

"I'm going to kill you, woman!" Alice yelled and grabbed my knee to still it. "What is the matter with you?"

I didn't have a chance to answer because Angela came up from behind and started to sit in the empty spot next to me.

"Wait! Don't sit there! I'm saving it for someone!" I blurted out before my brain could catch up.

Angela looked a little dumbfounded; she always sat next me.

"It's um…it's for Edward. He's going to, well, he might sit with us today."

She smiled knowingly, I knew she would like this; Angela was a caring kind of person and hated to see people suffer. She took the seat next to the empty one and waited for Ben.

I looked around at the rest of my friends. They were all staring at me. Alice looked overjoyed. She absolutely lived for making friends. The rest of them were unaffected, just as I knew they would be, they weren't the type to care about who sat with us, choosing to live above the typical high school drama about seating arrangements. Emmett winked at me before turning toward Rosalie who was smiling politely. Jasper put his arm around Alice, attempting to calm her from her sudden state of excitement. However, it was already almost ten minutes into the lunch period, and I didn't think Edward would even show up today.

But before the thought had time to depress me, his lanky frame came strolling through the doors, taking shy steps in the direction of our table. He caught my eyes and I smiled at him encouragingly. He set his backpack on the ground next to the empty seat and sat down. I looked at him more intensely than the situation probably called for and I was smiling widely, but I couldn't help it.

Jasper and Alice had been arguing lightly about something to my left, but Alice looked up as Edward sat down.

"Hey, Edward, do you think that yellow is too obnoxious for a car color?" She asked him honestly.

His eyebrows shot up and he hesitated for a moment, before answering seriously, "Well, I guess it depends on who's driving it. If it fits their personality or not."

"I am."

"Then, I'd say a yellow is pretty perfect for you, not too obnoxious at all," he said with a shrug.

Alice beamed and looked at Jasper who had face-palmed with his elbows resting on the table.

"I told youuuu," she sing-songed and held her hand out. He placed a five in her palm.

"Well played, man," Emmett acknowledged Edward with a nod of his head. He muttered out his 'thanks'.

"I told her the same thing, but of course she wouldn't listen to me." Rosalie said with a roll of her eyes before smiling at Edward warmly.

He relaxed visibly beside me and I looked at Angela over his back who was already smiling in my direction. I knew that he would fit in here.

My excitement was short-lived, however, as Emmett spoke for the second time.

"So, Edward, what is the meaning of life?" I gawked at him and Rosalie punched his shoulder.

But, Edward was quick to deadpan, "Uh, three or C, as it were. Since that seems to be the answer to almost every test question. That, or 'to get to the other side'. Isn't that what life's about anyway? Everybody's just trying to get to the other side."

Emmett looked at him for a moment. "That'll do, pig," then, he looked at me, "I like this kid."

I shrugged cockily.

The rest of the lunch period flowed seamlessly and I was right, they did love him. As I stared at Edward, I felt lucky to be the one to bring something as simple as friendship into his life. He needed something to anchor him to reality and remind him that he didn't have to fight alone. This is about when I realized that I cared for Edward so much, that I wouldn't let him go without a fight of my own. Anywhere his life, his future, or his illness took him, I would want to follow. The thought scared me enough to wonder if I was in this friendship with him too deep, but I knew he was worth it, he meant that much to me.

With the success of the day, the rest of the week followed en suite: Edward sat with us, my friends talked, and he listened. When Edward talked, they listened.

On Friday, Edward was in a particularly good mood. When I picked him up that morning, he all but skipped to the car and when I asked him what it was about, he shrugged, "I'm just happy I guess." That was enough to take me out of my usual early-morning funk.

We sat down to lunch that day in our usual spots and waited for everyone else to get there. Jasper came first, fist-bumped Edward and sat down to eat. Angela and Ben were late and I figured I really didn't want to know what those two were doing. By the time the rest of the group got there, it was already noon and Edward and I were starving. We liked to wait for everyone to get there before we started eating.

Finally, both of us opened up our respective brown paper bags. When I looked at the contents, I realized that my dad had written something on my sandwich bag. It looked like a smiley face with its tongue sticking out. I laughed loudly and showed Edward who chuckled.

He had his usual turkey sandwich in front of him, but was looking at is strangely.

"Waiting for it to give you permission?" I asked him jokingly.

He smiled crookedly and finally picked it up. As he took a small bite, however, he froze and I knew something was off. His expression became panicked and the next thing I knew, he had bolted out of his seat and run to the bathroom.

I didn't hear my friends' worried yelling, I just ran after him without thinking, mindlessly following him into the men's bathroom.

"Edward!" I yelled.

I heard the sound of vomiting and I looked into the first stall to find him on his knees, bent over the toilet.

"I'm…okay," he said weakly.

Even in my haste I had remembered to grab my backpack. I always kept a water bottle in there now, just in case Edward ever needed it, but I never told him for fear of embarrassing him. I pulled it out now and crouched down next to him in the stall.

"Here," I said and opened it for him.

While he rinsed out his mouth I retrieved some paper towels from the sink, handing those to him as well.

"Thank you." Edward said while wiping his mouth. He leaned back against the side of the bathroom stall and sighed heavily, obviously exhausted and possibly mortified as well.

"Do you feel okay?" I asked him, concerned. I went over to him and felt his forehead, which was a little clammy, but otherwise normal temperature-wise.

"Yeah, food's just…not agreeing with me today." He sighed again.

"It was the sandwich?"

He nodded. "It was just too much." He hadn't even eaten anything yet, so I knew he was still hungry.

"Do you think that maybe soup or a milkshake or something would go down better?"

He considered for a moment. "Maybe, but I don't have any money to buy anything. Don't worry about it, Bella, I'll be fine."

I wasn't having any of that. "Just answer the question Edward, would it?"

"..yes," he said quietly.

"Okay, then let's go get you a shake." He looked like he was about to protest, "Don't argue with me, Edward, it's just a fucking shake okay?"

He nodded and sniffed. "Are you okay?"

"Am _I _okay? You just puked your guts out and you want to know if _I'm _okay? I wish you would let me take care of you without worrying so much, but other than that yes! Edward you really have your priorities out of-"

"Bella."

"What!"

He leaned forward and hugged me. Really, really, tight. Both his arms encircled my back in an awkward embrace from where we were still crouched on the floor. His head rested on my shoulder and I turned my face toward his neck. I breathed him in for a few minutes, he smelled so good, like fresh laundry and Edward. We both needed the hug, apparently, because we were down there for about five minutes before we heard Jasper's voice.

"Hey, everything okay?" We pulled back and looked at each other. Edward nodded.

"Yeah, we're good Jaz thanks, we'll be out soon," I called to him.

"Okay," he said simply and we heard the door swing closed.

I stood up and held my hand out to Edward, who took it so I could help him off the floor. There was hair matted to his forehead and I pushed it out of his eyes.

"Let's get you something to eat."

"Kay," he said softly, smiling shyly.

We walked back into the cafeteria and got in line to buy Edward a strawberry milkshake, his favorite. To his credit, there was minimal protesting from him this time when I whipped out my wallet to pay for it. We went back to our table and sat down where our friends were waiting for us worriedly. After making sure Edward was okay, they went back to conversation and acted like nothing had ever happened while Edward contentedly sipped at his milkshake, which stayed where it was supposed to.

I looked over at him and he smiled at me around the straw. Although I smiled back, I was worried for him. If his condition was worsening, were his parents making sure that he got the right treatment? I didn't know much about his family, but I had heard sometime ago that his dad was laid off and his mom only worked a few days a week at the local preschool. I wondered how they were paying for his treatments, and for the surgery that he had supposedly gotten.

This is when I made up my mind that, although Edward would never agree if he found out, I had to help him. I would even make anonymous donations and leave them in envelopes on their porch if that's what it took. Even something as simple as making sure he was fed. All I knew was that as I looked at his boyish face, brows furrowed and sipping the milkshake in concentration, I wondered: for him, how it could it not be worth it?

* * *

><p>Sorry I didn't get this out earlier, I had a job interview today. :) As always, thank you so much for last chapter's reviews. You guys are awesome. As I pointed out to someone last week, I'm only three chapters in and I already have the best readers ever.<p>

Reviewers tell me your favorite flavor of milkshake and if you've ever done something crazy for someone you cared about.

-ItIsRaining


	4. Chapter 4

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

At the start of the last quarter of school, blossoms were sprouting on the trees and the grass was a strange deep green similar to the color of Edward's eyes, almost greenish-blue in appearance. The springtime air whipped through the courtyard of the high school where I sat on a bench with Angela after class. She was reclined back on her elbows, face towards the sun, soaking up the unusual appearance of it. I was staring at her closed eyelids.

"Ang?"

"Hmmm?"

"Does Edward seem…okay when you take him home? I mean do you think he's happy?" I asked.

She sat up and looked at me with a small smile before nodding.

"Yeah, I do. I mean, we don't talk much you know? We're both pretty quiet, but he seems different with you."

"What do you mean?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes a little. "I'm just saying that you two pretty much act like you're the only two people in the room when you're around each other."

I absorbed her observation for a moment, not knowing what to make of it. "Oh…you guys don't talk at all? Way to make him feel comfortable, Ang," I half-teased.

"No, no. We talk. We talk about our friends and stuff but mainly he just talks about…well, you." She looked up at me.

"Me? Why?" I asked incredulously.

Angela shrugged. "I don't know, Bella. Usually, he'll ask me something about you, one thing will lead to another, and the next thing you know we'll have spent the entire time talking about you."

I really wasn't sure what to say to that, but I couldn't pretend I wasn't pleased. Anymore, he was all I thought about as well.

For about a year, I had been working at a little restaurant in the middle of town called The Lodge. During the spring season, for some reason, business always was staggeringly slow and they accepted volunteers from servers willing to take fewer hours until the summer. I volunteered quickly, hoping that maybe this would open up the possibility of taking Edward home from school as well as taking the responsibility off of Angela.

When I brought the idea up with her, she accepted with a knowing smile and a cryptic statement. "Just wait for him to come to you, Bella," she had said.

With that, she stood up and patted my head as she left, leaving me to wait for Edward until his class ended. When I spotted him crossing the courtyard, his steps faltered and he looked a little confused, with me waiting in Angela's usual spot, but then he grinned and walked quickly toward me.

"So I'll be taking you home from now on," I stated matter-of-factly.

He was still smiling. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I said, also smiling. I inclined my head in the direction of the parking lot, indicating that he should follow.

I looked over at Edward as we walked. "Are you free for a few hours?"

"Uh, yeah," his brows furrowed and he glanced in my direction, "why?"

"Oh, you're coming over to my house."

He laughed a little and pulled out his phone.

"That won't be necessary," his eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, "I already called your mom and asked her."

Apparently, he had reached his limit of presumptuous statements from Bella for the day because he stopped walking and was staring at me, dumbfounded. When I realized it, I stopped too and looked back at him.

"What?"

"You're amazing, Bella," he said, and then laughed louder and more freely than I had ever heard him laugh before. The sound of his laughter made me want to laugh too, and so I did. When we were done cracking up like idiots in the middle of the courtyard, we stared at each other. His eyes were bright and his cheeks were slightly flushed.

"Let's go home," I said.

After we climbed into the truck, I hooked up my iPod to the speakers. He smiled at me, equally pleased that we could play it, since it wasn't six-thirty in the morning.

"Bella, what's your favorite kind of music?" he asked suddenly.

I looked at him strangely and then laughed a little. "You're going to think I'm like, really weird."

"Ha. Try me."

"Ugh, okay. I like um, well, music from movies I guess."

Edward looked at me for a few moments. "That suits you."

"Why?"

"I don't know, really. I guess it's just because movies are so dramatic you know?" I looked at him, feigning insult. "No, no! That came out wrong. You're definitely not dramatic, but you put everything you have into every little thing you do. I think your music choice reflects that."

I was silent for a few minutes. "You should write a book, Edward."

He laughed. "What? Why?"

I didn't know how to explain the unique flow of his mind that just came so naturally to him. "You think about things differently than other people. Not to mention all your thoughts come out at strange and random times," I said.

"Maybe I will write something," he mused, "like a compendium."

"A Compendium of Thoughts by Edward Cullen."

He looked over at me with one eyebrow lifted. It took about five seconds before we both burst into uncontrollable laughter for the second time that day.

We pulled up to my house about ten minutes later. When Edward got out of the truck, he looked around himself at the driveway.

"You're dad isn't home is he?" he asked.

I laughed. "No, sorry, but you won't get to meet the chief today. Charlie won't be home 'til six."

He pretended not to be relieved and failed.

We climbed the stairs to my room and I took a cursory look around before pushing the door open and letting him in. My room was small with a traditional bed pushed up against the wall, a desk to the side of it, and an armoire against the opposite wall. It was painted a soft blue and there were various photos and posters taped to the walls. Edward stood by my bed and looked around with a small smile on his face. "Wow," he said softly.

"I know, it's small, but I like it that way. Just more my style, I guess." I said, suddenly insecure.

"No, I love it. It…feels like you," he said with a shrug.

I smiled at him. Edward had told me some time ago that he could play the piano, though when he mentioned it, I got the feeling that he didn't play much anymore, for some reason he didn't explain. He told me that he had taken lessons and used to be quite good; Mrs. Cullen even used to enter him into competitions. Regardless, the passion that he still felt for it was apparent in his voice.

The reason why I brought him up here was sitting in the far left corner of my room.

When I was about eight years old, I had discovered my love for music. My parents would take me to movies and I'd come home and hum the music for the rest of the night, having been born with some ability to recall the notes after hearing them just once. It was my special talent, in a way. When my grandparents caught wind of my interest in music, they used that Christmas as an opportunity to buy my first keyboard piano. I played it so much after the fact that, eventually, I ended up breaking a few of the keys while attempting to play a version of the music from The Nightmare Before Christmas as best as a ten year old who hadn't taken a single lesson could. I was promptly sent the same keyboard that sits in my room today the very next week, courtesy of my grandparents.

I took Edward's hand and led him over to the piano. When he looked at it, his expression became melancholy and a sad smile adorned his face. He stared at it for a few minutes, just standing there.

"Would you like to sit down?" I gestured toward the long makeshift bench resting in front of it. He complied, but sat at the end of it.

He ran his hand along the keys and finally spoke. "I didn't know you played," he said softly, shaking his head slightly.

I snorted. "I don't really," I said while sinking down next to him, "I mean, I screw around on it sometimes, but I'm not very good. I've never had a lesson."

Edward turned toward me on the bench, his eyes wide and so, so green. His expression became pleading. "Will you play for me, Bella?" he asked quietly.

I hesitated. This was a part of my life that I kept quiet. Very few people knew about my strange talent; not even my friends were aware aside from Angela and Alice.

"Please?" he whispered, his face close to mine.

I nodded and then sighed deeply, placing my hands on the keys. I played the first thing that came to mind, a personal favorite which made me cry after I had finished learning it by ear. I remembered slaving over the piano for hours one day, determined to get it perfect because I knew that it could be something absolutely beautiful when played solely on the piano, and I was right. I closed my eyes and let the music guide my hands, the notes filling the quiet room. I played for Edward, for his quiet strength and his unwavering perseverance. I played for all he had been through, silently dedicating this song to his bravery.

Edward sat quietly through the song, watching my hands and occasionally glancing at my face from the side. When I was finished, we sat in silence for a few minutes. He was the first one to speak.

"I found out about the tumor a year ago," he said quietly, "I had these awful migraines and my mom finally took me in to the doctor. When the x-rays came back, they showed us where it was and said that I needed surgery, but I still couldn't believe it. I had hardly ever even gotten sick, and I was so happy and just...fifteen years old. _Fifteen_," his voice broke.

I scooted closer to him on the bench and took his hand in mine. He looked up at me and I nodded at him to continue. It seemed that since I had shared a special, intimate part of myself with him, he wanted to do the same. So he did.

Edward told me of the first surgery he ever had, the fear almost tangible in his voice. After the operation, the first seizures began happening at random times and they put him on medication for it. When they still wouldn't quit, they took him in for another x-ray only to discover that the tumor had either grown back, or was never properly removed and another brain surgery was required. This was about the time that his dad was laid off from the hospital. He shortly found another job at the location in Port Angeles, but the drive was long and they only needed him three times per week. His mom's less-than-sufficient income from the preschool wasn't enough to cover the second surgery either, so Edward paid for it himself with the money that he inherited from his grandfather and the small amount that he had made while he working at the local grocery store. He had to quit after the first surgery when his recovery time exceeded the maximum leave-of-absence time. However, things started looking up when Edward's seizures stopped, they assumed because of the medicine, so they slowly started weaning him off of it in the hope that his body would adapt and control itself. That was until a few weeks ago, when he suffered from his first seizure in four months. Now, he explained, he was back on the meds and open to the possibility of yet another surgery if they found that the tumor had come back, so that it wouldn't become cancerous. However, this one they could not afford. He told me that playing the piano was exhausting to him, any more. His hands often cramped up in the middle of a song and his arms would become fatigued from being lifted.

I was just as silent as he had been while I played, with tears threatening to spill over. I controlled myself and squeezed his hand as he finished. He sighed heavily, how someone with the weight of the world on their shoulders would sigh, and my heart clenched.

"Will you play it again?" he whispered, so softly.

And because I would probably never be able to deny him anything, I did. This time, when the song was finished, I looked at him, right into his eyes.

He was crying quietly. His deep green eyes were glassy and a few tears streaked his cheeks. He made no attempt to wipe them off as he stared back at me, so I did it for him. When his face was dry and my sleeve was wet with his tears, I kept my palm where it was: placed softly against his warm cheek, reverently.

I didn't think about what happened next, I just acted. I couldn't help it. He just looked so beautiful sitting on the piano bench next to me, with his eyes shiny and his bottom lip slightly quivering. I leaned forward and kissed him. Right on the lips. When he gasped, I panicked because, suddenly, what Angela had said earlier finally made sense. She didn't want me to push him too far, too soon. "Just wait for him to come to you, Bella." And here I was, kissing him without a word. I pulled back quickly.

"I'm sorry."

Edward didn't answer. He sat there with a shocked expression, his eyes wide.

"Do it again," he whispered.

I hesitated, confused. When I realized he was serious, I took his face in my hands again before slowly leaning in to give him a proper kiss this time. His eyes closed when our faces were mere inches apart and I could feel his breath on my face. My own eyes closed when our lips finally connected once again. This time, he kissed me back and his hand lifted to the back of my neck to hold me to him. As our lips moved together, I felt his other hand come to rest on the small of my back. I moved my hands to his hair and softly fingered the long scar running vertically against his scalp as he sighed into my mouth. When we pulled away, we were both breathing heavily despite the brevity of the kiss.

He smiled widely and bit his bottom lip…which made me want to bite it. But, I remembered that Edward and I still had homework to do and I had to make dinner before Charlie got home, so I suggested a perfectly normal activity.

"Would you care to study with me, Edward?" I asked politely, somewhat teasing.

He grinned and nodded. "Very much," he said and moved to retrieve his backpack from the floor.

And so we sat on my bed and did our homework until five o'clock, when I had to take him home, perfectly content to just enjoy each other's company. However, as I rested there with him, I couldn't help but wonder if I could handle a more intimate relationship with him. He was absolutely the best friend that I ever had, and I worried that I already cared about him so much that my heart would completely shatter if anything ever happened to him. But, it was useless. His draw for me was too great and I was already in too deep, I couldn't separate myself from him if I tried.

I looked up at him. He smiled crookedly and nodded, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. So I just let myself fall for him, as far as I was capable of falling, because I wanted him and he wanted me, and sometimes, that has to be enough.

* * *

><p>The song I actually played for him was a version of New Divide by Linkin Park which I arranged by ear. I don't have a recording of my version that you can listen to, but if you'd like, this one is quite similar and equally as beautiful:<p>

http:/ www . youtube . com / watch?v=DDOYkwHYu_s

To those who asked, I'm sorry but I won't be including Edward's POV anywhere in the story. Simply for the reason that this is a true story and it would be very strange for me to try to get into his head when I had no clue what the boy was thinking most of the time.

On that note, thank you so much to those who reviewed last chapter and your amazing stories. I loved reading them. Wow! I got a lot of Alerts from the last chapter from those adding this story to their alert/favorite list. Which means I know you're out there lurkers! Drop by and leave a review, or a simple hello?

I'm posting this chapter early because I might not get to Chapter 5 for a little longer than it usually takes, but we'll see how it goes.

Reviewers tell me about your first kiss. ;)

-ItIsRaining


	5. Chapter 5

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

"Edster."

"What?"

"What the fuck are you eating?" Emmett was staring at Edward's lunch like _it _was going to eat _him_.

Rosalie slapped the back of his head.

"It's an avocado sandwich."

"Really?" I asked excitedly. He nodded. I leaned over and took a bite from where he was holding it. Edward stared at me, horrified.

"What?" I asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

He cocked an eyebrow.

"It's my favorite!" I tried to defend myself but he was doubled over in laughter.

"You too, B? I don't know how you guys can eat that stuff. It's janky." Emmett said, appalled.

Edward recovered and recoiled the hand holding the sandwich, as if to protect it from Emmett's remarks.

"Well, they're delicious and good for you." He stared pointedly at Emmett's brownie; half was in his hand and the other half he was chewing. "But, did you know that avocados are also known for being an aphrodisiac?" Emmett stopped chewing.

"Gimme a bite."

"No way, man. It's _janky_." He smiled triumphantly and Alice giggled.

"Chocolate is an aphrodisiac too," he defended.

"That hardly qualifies as real chocolate, Em," Jasper chimed in. Edward nodded in agreement and then stuffed whatever was left of the sandwich into his mouth, smiling.

Emmett's eyes darted from Jasper to Edward and then back to his brownie a few times before he abruptly stood up from the lunch table and walked over to throw it in the trash.

I was laughing hysterically when he returned, watching Edward try to chew an entire half of a sandwich.

"Et tu, Bella?" Emmett asked, feigning insult.

I shrugged and tilted my head toward Edward, who blushed at the attention, as if I was unable to disagree with him. Emmett shrugged in understanding. I leaned over and rubbed the back of Edward's neck, a gesture that I had learned relaxed him, happy that he managed to eat his whole lunch without it reappearing.

It had been quite awhile since he'd had any problems, a few weeks at least. I was hoping that this improvement in his health would gain momentum and that he may not need another surgery. He even looked healthier on the outside. His hair had more luster and was a deeper shade of rusty-brown, his eyes were brighter, and his skin glowed a little more than it normally did.

Alice looked positively giddy over our small exchange. She was the type to fawn over other peoples' relationships. She looked at Edward and I, smiling widely and clasping her hands underneath her chin.

I ignored her, rolling my eyes, and turned to Edward.

"How do you feel?" I asked quietly.

He sighed deeply and looked me in the eyes. "I'm fine, Bella. I feel good. Better than good."

He was used to this, though. I had gotten into the habit of making sure he was okay periodically, but I had to restrain myself sometimes because I didn't want to act like his mother.

"Actually, I have a question for you," he said suddenly.

"What's that?"

"Well, do you have plans for after school?"

"Nope. No work today."

He beamed. "Would you like to come over to my house?"

I remained calm on the exterior, but inside I was bursting with happiness. I had been waiting for this. It had been a few weeks since I had shown him my house, my room, my life. I knew it would take longer for Edward to open up to me, but I could hardly wait to see his home and where he spent his time. I wanted to really know everything about him.

"Sure! Sounds fun." He smiled widely.

I walked Edward to his math class after lunch, as I normally did. After all, it was the least I could do since he despised trigonometry so much. Well, that's what I told myself. I knew he enjoyed it though. We spent every morning and afternoon, every lunch, and random intervals between classes together and we still never had enough time.

We stopped in the small alcove in between lockers outside of the classroom.

He sighed happily. "I'm really excited about you coming over tonight," he admitted.

I laughed. "Me too." One side of his mouth smiled back at me.

I lifted onto my toes to wrap my arms around his neck. He ducked down to my height and returned the hug. I inhaled deeply, taking my hit before I had to go the rest of the school day without seeing him. Our embrace lasted a few minutes before we were forced to separate and go to class.

We met in the parking lot after school. I noticed a particular bounce in his step, which betrayed his excitement. We were still smiling as we climbed into my truck and I made the familiar journey to his house, actually parking in his driveway this time.

The Cullen's home was very open with little pieces of furniture carefully placed to suggest certain rooms. The walls were painted various shades of light green and blue. It was small, but beautiful, almost antique feeling. It felt like a home that a strong family would live in.

Mrs. Cullen was blending something in the kitchen when we walked in. A quick glance at the counter showed an array of colorful fruits and vegetables. Edward walked up behind his mom and put a hand on her back. She jumped and screamed, turning off the blender. She turned around laughing and I saw Edward in that laugh. She was wearing an old, well-used apron and from the looks of it, it was quite necessary. All the colors of the rainbow were splattered haphazardly along the front.

When she recovered from her laughing fit, she playfully hit Edward on the shoulder.

"You might have told me we were having company, Edward. You nearly scared me to death!" She said animatedly, "Hello, Bella!" She stepped forward and hugged me tightly.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. I'm sorry we didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, never mind that! You're not to blame for my son's behavior," she said jokingly, looking at Edward with her eyebrow raised.

"Hey, it was a last-minute decision." He said with his hands raised.

She snorted and even made it sound classy. "Well, I'm making smoothies, or trying to at least. You two interested?" She looked at me.

"Sounds delicious."

Edward and I sat at the breakfast bar across from where Mrs. Cullen was working. He leaned in close and told me of her cooking escapades above the din of the blender. Apparently, Mrs. Cullen was a very adventurous cook, and that was putting it lightly. On one occasion, she tried to concoct a pesto sauce from whatever she had in the kitchen, but somehow it got past her that olive oil was vital and she used vegetable oil instead. In theory, it was not a bad guess for a substitute, however you can imagine how the results must have tasted. Edward made a loud gagging sound as he recounted the event and apparently his mother heard it above the noise.

"What's that Ed?" She yelled.

"Looks good mom!"

I was laughing so hard I had to hide myself under the counter so I that I didn't give him away.

When the smoothies were 'ready', Mrs. Cullen spooned some into three glasses. She set two of them in front of Edward and I, and he looked at me nervously. I snickered as I took the straw between my lips. It was surprisingly good. Some sort of mango-pineapple mixture with god-know-what-else-was-on-that-counter. She hummed in approval as she tried it herself.

"Wow, that's really good Mrs. Cullen, what's in it?" I asked, seriously curious.

She put a hand on her chin in thought. "Well, there was pineapple, banana, mango, green apples…" she trailed off, "Oh, yes and zucchini!"

I looked at her dubiously before I composed myself and smiled. Edward was staring at his drink questioningly. I would never doubt his hesitation for his mother's cooking again.

When Edward and I had thanked her and made enough small talk to be deemed acceptable, he announced that he wanted to give me a tour of the house. We milled about and he half-heartedly pointed to various rooms, heading for the staircase. When we got to the top of the stairs, I could tell that this is where he really wanted to take me. His room was on the right side, all the way at the end of the hall.

He paused once we stepped inside. "Uh, this is mine," he announced.

It was very simple. The walls were mint green and the curtains were a flowy white material, which framed two huge windows on the opposing wall, showing a beautiful view of the forest preserve behind the house. There was a small bed off to the left side and various CD's and books were stacked around it.

I settled myself onto the bed as Edward turned around and closed the door behind him. Even without the light from the hall, his room was amazingly bright from the picture windows. I smiled to myself. Edward needed a room like this, a happy and peaceful place with lots of light.

He sat across from me on the bed and smiled back. Then his expression turned a little sad and his head dropped in thought. I put my hand on the side of his face and tilted it up.

"What is it?" I asked him quietly.

He thought for a few more moments.

"Bella, in a few weeks, I won't need a ride to school anymore," he whispered.

It was something I had thought about already with the approach of the summer. "I know."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Is it…I mean do you even-"

I moved my fingers so that they were covering his soft lips.

"All that means to me is that I'm going to have to start making trips over here more often. But what about you? What do you want, Edward?"

He looked down at his hands as he answered, "I want that." He glanced at me from underneath his eyelashes, looking for approval.

"I do too." I whispered, "I want to spend more time with you, Edward. I want to be with you," I declared. But I couldn't lead him in his answers anymore, if he wanted to be with me as well, I wanted him to tell me without being prompted.

Edward didn't answer. Instead, he leaned forward on the bed and braced himself on either side of my legs. Slowly, so slowly I almost gave in and crushed myself to him, he brought his face to mine. He lingered on the side of my mouth for a few moments and I didn't rush him, just enjoying each other's closeness. He pressed a tiny, barely-there kiss in that spot before bringing his hand to my waist and sliding his lips over mine, finally. I made a tiny noise in the back of my throat and he inhaled at the sound. I placed one hand on the side of his neck and he shivered at my touch. The other hand was drawn to a spot on his side rounding to his back and pressing him closer to me. I could feel the brush of his eyelashes over my cheek and the beat of his heart as his chest pressed into mine. He pulled me even closer still as our lips moved over each other's. He opened up his mouth and I did the same and our kissing somehow turned into really kissing. We lay down on the bed, with him on top of me and our breathing became labored, but our kisses slowed. He slid his lips over my jaw and down my neck and my hands went to the back of his neck and into his hair, wanting to touch him everywhere. He kissed along my collarbone before sliding his body even further down mine and burying his face in my stomach, his arms wrapping around my torso. I could feel his warm breath through the material of my shirt. I let him lie there for a while, both of us needing the contact, and enjoying the feeling of his body on top of mine.

Eventually, I started to want him again and I ran my hand over his back and neck to persuade him to come back to me. He looked up and I pulled on his arms while sliding further down to get as close to him as possible. I pushed on one of his shoulders, getting him to lie down and pulled myself on top of him. I kissed along his neck and behind his ear, and he made a small sound of enjoyment. But I knew I had to slow us down eventually, so I pulled back a few inches from his face and just stared down at him. He was breathing heavily and I reminded myself to be more careful with him in the future. I pressed one more kiss to his lips before sliding myself off of him and tucking into his side. He buried his face in my hair and wrapped his arms around me.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"More than anything," he whispered, reciprocating my statement from earlier. We lay like that for a few hours under the pretense of studying in his room.

At around eight, I decided I should probably get home before Charlie was supposed to. Edward walked me out and we passed his parents, laughing quietly and sharing dinner in the kitchen.

"Thank you again for the smoothies, Mrs. Cullen!" I called to her.

"Oh, Bella! One more thing," She said excitedly, getting up from her seat and rushing to me. "I wanted to ask you. So, Edward has a birthday next month." He cut her off with a groan, "Ignore him. And I was just wondering if you'd like to come over and celebrate with us! We usually just have a little dinner, but it would be more fun if you were here."

I turned to look at him, bemused, before answering, "Of course I will!"

"Okay great. Bella has to go now, say goodbye!" Edward took my hand and started pulling me toward the door.

"Hi, Bella! It's nice to meet you!" Mr. Cullen, an attractive, tall, dirty blonde called to me from the kitchen.

"Nice to meet you too!" I said laughing as Edward tugged on my arm.

"Okay, okay pushy," I told him and let him drag me to the door

Once we were outside, he slowed to an abnormal pace like he didn't want to reach my truck. So I stepped in front and used our still-attached arms to pull him along until we got to the side of it. I leaned against the driver's side door and pulled on his shoulders until his front was flush with mine and kissed him one last time. This one was slow and deep. His tongue reached for mine and we brushed them against each other until we both realized that we were in full view of the house. He pulled back, laughing lightly. I kissed his cheek and unlocked the door before climbing in and rolling down the window, it was a beautiful night. He closed the door and leaned in for one more kiss.

"Sorry, I can't stop." He said laughing.

I laughed with him because I couldn't stop either and I sure as hell didn't want to. I leaned out the window and placed one more kiss on his now red lips.

"Goodnight, Edward." I whispered against his skin.

He laughed. "'Night."

I put the truck in reverse and pulled away a few feet before stopping and yelling at Edward's retreating form.

"Hey!"

He turned around, looking amused.

"Be ready twenty minutes earlier tomorrow." I said simply, and drove away, smiling to myself.

* * *

><p>So, I feel I must clarify that they didn't call him Edster, obviously because his name is Grant. They called him Granny and it was way funnier.<p>

A few concerns have been expressed since last chapter about the ending of this story and I feel obligated to tell you that it does, indeed, have a happy ending. I do not think that I am ruining it for you in any way because this story especially is about how you get there, to that ending, and not the ending itself.

-ItIsRaining


	6. Chapter 6

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

You know that feeling when you're kissing someone, and all of the sudden you just need to feel all of their weight on top of you? I'm not sure, but I think this need comes from some deep emotional response to that person rather than a physical instinct that we have. Regardless, it's really not a convenient thing to want when you're trapped in the confines of a truck cab.

About a year ago, my sophomore year to be exact, I had been walking around the periphery of the school waiting for my dad to pick me up. I found myself in the large patch of forest just to the south, directly behind the high school. If you walked merely a few feet in, you would find the spot that the environmental students had tried to make into an artistic garden of sorts. There was a natural pond about four feet wide to the right side and they had planted an array of colorful wildflowers around it, which had spread to the rest of the small space. The garden was in the shape of an oval and large, shiny stones had been placed methodically around it to add to the "secret garden" vibe.

The day after my meeting with his parents, I took Edward there. I picked him up early that morning with absolutely no explanation as to why.

"Bella, we do have school in forty-five minutes, just so you know."

"Calm down Ace, you'll be there on time."

He still had this hilarious pained expression on his face. I laughed out loud and grabbed his hand from his lap, lifting the back of it to my lips in a very chivalrous gesture.

"I just want to show you something. It's right by the school, I promise."

We drove around to the back side of the high school and parked with the truck facing the trees. I led Edward to the forest by his hand.

The sky was overcast that day, but you could still see the sun behind the clouds, creating a subtle glowing effect. The pond shimmered faintly and the flowers swayed in the slight breeze.

"Wow," Edward breathed.

"I know. Did you know this was here?"

"No, I've never been back here. I think hardly anyone has." Perfect.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes," he whispered.

And then we had to kiss because it was beautiful, and he was beautiful, and it was a beautiful day, which just means it wasn't raining, but that's beside the point.

We kissed until we couldn't stand anymore and lay down on the soft grass beneath us. When I became tired of being unable to wrap my arms all the way around him from our position on our sides, I pulled on his shoulders until he finally, _finally_ rolled on top of me. My mistake was the little moan I let out when it happened. He froze and pulled back to look at me.

"Are you okay?" He was breathing heavily.

"Yeah, no. Yeah, I'm fine. Can you…can you just…I need you to just stay like that for a second," I finally blurted out.

He laughed a little, "Kay."

I wrapped my arms around his torso and squeezed him to me as hard as I could, feeling the length of his body pressed against mine. He exhaled heavily and rested his head in the crook of my neck while I held him. I ran my hands up and down his back, occasionally burying them in his hair and tangled our legs together. When I got what I needed, I sighed and rested back against the grass again.

"I'm sorry, I just…" I trailed off, unsure of what I was apologizing for.

He shook his head with a small smile. "It's okay. I get it, I need it too sometimes," he said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He was silent for a few moments. "What is that do you think?"

"I'm not sure," I whispered, but I was lying. I was pretty sure I knew exactly what it was. It had been in the corner of my mind for quite awhile, but right then as I lay with him in my arms in the soft grass, I was almost positive that I loved Edward.

To say I was afraid of the feeling would have been an understatement. I had no idea how to even broach the topic of love with him. He was hesitant to open up to me in the first place, much less be accepting of my deeply seated feelings for him. More than anything, though, I was terrified because I wanted him to love me back.

His gentle kisses along my neck brought me out of my thoughts and I wondered what had been running through his mind that prompted them. A thought occurred to me and I needed to see his face to confirm it.

But I was wrong, when I pulled his head back so I could see his eyes, I couldn't decipher the expression on his face. It was intense and made me feel both excited and scared at the same time. I wanted it to be love. I kissed him roughly, hoping he would understand.

He groaned at the feeling and kissed me back with fervor, plunging one of his hands into my hair and letting the other slide down my back until it rested on the exposed skin above the waistband of my jeans. I gasped into his mouth and suddenly, oh, I needed to touch him everywhere. My hands went to his chest and felt the slight musculature beneath his shirt. I moved them down to his stomach and then back up to his pecs a few times before I let them slide beneath his shirt and touch his bare skin. We both made noises of pleasure and let our hands explore each other while we kissed heavily and it was all so good until I realized that he was panting desperately into my mouth.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just, oh, mmmm…" he panted.

I let him slide off me and lay down in the grass. His chest heaved with his heavy breaths and he closed his eyes and tilted his face up to the sky, a serene smile fixed upon it.

"Too much?" I asked him seriously, feeling his face and neck.

He shook his head. "No," he laughed lightly, "I just…wanted more and my body couldn't keep up." I often had a hard time remembering to take his health into account when we kissed, but I laughed with him because I felt the same. I wanted more too, so much more.

"It's probably for the best, we have to go in now," I told him softly.

He nodded as he grabbed my hand and kissed my palm with his eyes still closed.

When the school year came to a close, Edward and I said our goodbyes to our driving agreement, completely ready to give in to our feelings and commit to a relationship without any pre-determined obligations.

We often spent our summer nights locked away in my room just talking, touching, and kissing. Everyone could see the improvements in him. His mom stopped giving him such strict curfews, his dad didn't ask him to take it easy quite as often, and my dad quit knocking on my door periodically. He would never admit it, but he loved Edward anyway. They often sat at the table and talked for hours while I prepared dinner.

Edward's seventeenth birthday rolled around faster than either of us expected and, as I had agreed, I attended their small family 'party' held in their backyard.

Mrs. Cullen had set up a table to the side of their patio covered with a light blue linen cloth and various snacks that the attendants brought. About a dozen people were milling about, talking and laughing as they embraced. They all cheered when Edward walked out the back door and he turned a brilliant shade of red. When he was trapped in the arms of his enthusiastic family, I went to find Mrs. Cullen. She was inside the house putting lemonade into cups. I handed her my covered dish of brownies that I made this afternoon while Edward watched me from the breakfast bar.

She threw her arms around me. "Bella! I'm so glad you're here!"

I laughed and hugged her back, "It's my pleasure!"

She took the brownies from me appreciatively, walking outside to set them on the table.

"Edward!" She yelled from across the yard, "go introduce Bella to your family!"

He rolled his eyes, but smiled and took my hand, dragging me around the small crowd of people and introducing me to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins as his girlfriend. I was absolutely and completely on cloud nine the entire evening as I greeted them and they treated me as if I was one of their own.

When everyone had eaten and settled into chairs to socialize, Mrs. Cullen flipped on the twinkly lights strewn about the perimeter of the patio as the sky grew darker.

Edward pulled me to a large chair in the corner of the patio and sat me on his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. I sighed and relaxed into him, completely content. We watched his family watching us and hiding their knowing smiles, but we didn't care, they knew how we felt about each other, even if we didn't.

Mrs. Cullen emerged from a group of Edward's aunts after awhile. "Bella? Can I talk to you inside for a moment?" She asked smiling.

Edward groaned and held me tighter.

"It will only take a few minutes, Edward!"

I patted his arms and twisted out of his embrace murmuring, "Be right back," as I touched his face.

"Kay."

Mrs. Cullen took me to the kitchen and we sat on the barstools at the counter, the same place I had sat with Edward when we watched her make smoothies the first time I was invited over. From here, we could see the party outside and I spotted Edward who had moved to the couch and was speaking with his grandfather.

"How are you, Bella?" Mrs. Cullen asked me suddenly.

I smiled, "I'm good. Really good."

"I know," she laughed lightly, "I can tell. You look absolutely radiant tonight."

I looked down shyly.

"And you make Edward so happy," she said wistfully, "I've never seen him so full of life."

Something about her tone put butterflies in my stomach, only they were the right kind. They weren't the kind of butterflies I got when Edward held my hand or kissed me, they were the kind I got when I realized I left my term paper at home the day it was due.

"How are you?" I asked her.

She looked at me and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm alright. Better than I've been lately, with Edward doing so well."

I smiled and nodded.

"But Bella, I need to tell you something," she said quietly.

"Sure."

She sighed deeply. "I don't know how much Edward has told you about our financial situation, but I can assure you it's not as good as we'd like it to be."

I knew this already, so I nodded seriously.

"But, Carlisle found another job at a hospital, he'll be getting paid almost twice as much as he is here!" She said with half-hearted enthusiasm.

"That's amazing!" I said, still weary of the meaning behind her words.

"Yes, I suppose it is," she whispered, "…Bella, we have to move at the end of the summer."

My stomach dropped. "Where?" I choked out.

"Chicago," she said, looking at her lap.

I froze. My entire body locked up and I couldn't feel or hear anything except for a light ringing in my ears. I looked into Mrs. Cullen's eyes, which were glassy with unshed tears.

"Chicago?" I asked her so quietly that I'm surprised she heard.

"Yes," she whispered, and I tear slid down her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, truly," she sniffed, "You have no idea how hard this decision was, but Edward needs…" She trailed off, unable to finish her thought.

It didn't matter. I knew what she meant. Edward needed stability. Edward needed to be taken care of. Mr. Cullen needed a job so they could give him that. Plain and simple.

"Does he know?" My voice shook.

She shook her head, still crying silently.

"Okay," I whispered, "Okay. When are you going to tell him?"

"Tomorrow. We just found out today, he deserves to know as soon as possible."

I was unable to speak above a whisper, "Can you give me tomorrow and tell him the day after? I just need a day."

She nodded. "Of course, Bella. Of course."

She leaned forward and hugged me. I was stunned, but I hugged her back, wanting to give her some kind of comfort. This was not her fault, but I couldn't tell her that it was okay, that I would be fine, because it wasn't okay and I knew I wouldn't be fine.

"Just try to enjoy the night, okay?" She whispered to me.

I nodded against her shoulder.

When I returned to the patio, Edward was still conversing easily with his grandfather. He smiled when he saw me. I tried to smile back. I sat to his side and reached into his lap for his hand, enclosing it with both of mine and using his touch to hold myself together.

He noticed my strange behavior and looked at me with concern, but I shook my head and smiled at him.

When his grandfather had dozed off and there were only a few guests remaining, I scooted closer to him.

"Will you come over tonight?" I asked him quietly.

"Of course," he said seriously and looked into my eyes.

I ducked my chin to my chest to avoid his suspicion, but he knew something was off.

Edward said goodbye to the rest of his family warmly, keeping my hand in his the entire time. We helped his mom clean up briefly before he announced that he was coming home with me. She, of course, did not put up a fight, looking at me instead and giving me a reassuring smile, which I tried to ignore.

We parked in the middle of the driveway when we got to the house; my dad was working the night shift. We said nothing on the way over, preferring to keep our hands clasped together on the console. Even though I could tell he was bursting with questions, he remained silent, letting me have my thoughts.

As soon as I had the front door unlocked, we were in each other's arms. My lips kissed his hungrily over and over again. He reciprocated as best he could, understandably not feeling the same urgency that I was. His arms encased me, making me feel so safe and loved, and suddenly I was crying. He noticed and tried to pull back, but I mumbled, "No!" around his lips, and kissed him harder, pulling him even closer to me. He must have sensed what I needed because he made no further attempts to stop what we were doing and returned my desperate advances.

I walked backwards toward the stairs, pulling him by his neck and shoulders as our lips moved over each other's. By the time we made it to my room, we were breathing heavily into each other's mouths and grasping at our clothing. My hands found their way to the front of his shirt and he didn't stop when I undid the first button, so I hastily undid the rest and slipped it off his shoulders. This was the first time either of us paused since we had entered the house. I looked up at him, and suddenly I had no more fear.

I took his face between my hands, standing on my toes to look into his eyes, and said, "I love you."

His eyes became glassy and he dropped his forehead to mine, putting his hands on the sides of my face and mirroring my position. "I'm in love with you, too," he whispered.

I nodded and moved my hands to his bare chest. I felt the muscles of his shoulders flex beneath my hands as I ran them over his body, moving them down over his pecs to his stomach. He shivered and kissed me, moving his hands underneath my shirt to the skin of my back. When he grasped the hem of it between his fingertips, he pulled back, silently asking for my permission. I nodded and he slowly gathered the material in his hands, pulling it up as he went until my shirt dropped to the floor on top of his.

He brought his arms around me and hugged me to him and I moved one hand to the back of his head, keeping him there for a moment. We felt the material of my bra between us, but I needed to keep it there for a while if I was going to maintain any semblance of control, and I had no idea what our intentions were for the night. Both of us were just acting on what felt good, natural.

I turned him around and eased him backwards onto the bed until he was sitting on the edge of it, looking at me from beneath his eyelashes with his lips puffy from kissing. I put my hand on the side of his face and slid it down his neck all the way to the waistband of his jeans, looking into his eyes as I went. He groaned at my touch and I undid the button and zipper slowly, waiting until he nodded. He lifted his hips off the bed, allowing me to slide his jeans off his legs and add it to the growing pile on the floor.

I stepped back from him and slid my own jeans off, and then stood before him in only my underwear as he sat on my bed in only his boxers. My breath hitched in my throat and I almost started crying, but he pulled me to him by my arms and his touch eased my pain. I sat down, straddling his lap, and held him with my face buried in the crook if his neck, breathing him in.

Bringing one hand to the front of his chest, I felt for his heartbeat and left my hand there while I kissed him again with more passion this time. Our kissing became heavy and our bodies started to move of their own accord against each other. I could feel him beneath me and it made me moan and kiss him deeper.

He pulled back from my lips, but kept his hips moving with mine while he panted for a moment before whispering frantically, "Bella, I really do….love you."

I laughed because I knew he meant it the first time, but answered, "I really do love you, too."

And we kissed and touched and moved until it became too much. His eyes closed and he moaned deep in his throat as he dropped his forehead to my shoulder and I was pretty sure that he was having an orgasm. But as soon as the thought occurred to me, his hips moved against mine in a way that made my eyes close too and a feeling washed over me that was so good, I cried out.

When it was over, I had a strange feeling like I wanted to hug everything. Apparently he felt the same thing, because he looked at me and I looked at him and we wrapped ourselves around each other as our breathing leveled out.

After a few minutes, we lay down on the bed still wrapped up in each other. His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and I pushed it out of his face. His mouth was lined up with my right shoulder and he kissed it.

"Are you okay, Bella?" He whispered.

And just like that, all the realities of the past few hours came crashing back into my consciousness. But, I had a day with him before he knew that we couldn't be together and I wasn't going to weigh it down with fear.

"I'm wonderful," I answered, because at that moment it was true.

Edward stayed in bed with me for a few hours until about one in the morning. We barely talked, just held each other and kissed. I drove him back to his house and he left me in the driveway with a promise to see me tomorrow.

All of the way home, I cried. Sobbed was more like it. I had to pull over once because I couldn't see the nighttime road through my tears.

I dragged myself up the stairs to my room, still crying, and lay in my bed, which still smelled like Edward and it made me cry even harder.

After I had been lying there for hours, I started to think. I planned out every possible scenario for our future, trying to see if there was any way that we could be together. After some time, I realized that I had only one option.

So I got out of bed and booted up my laptop. I did research until it was already light outside again.

When I climbed into my truck to go pick Edward up the next day, I was feeling slightly more optimistic. This could've been due to the lack of sleep from the night before, but I also knew that there was some security in my plan.

Edward and I had decided on the phone this morning to go to breakfast because it was something that high school couples never did, but we wanted to.

I thought to myself all the way to his house, growing a little more enthusiastic as I drove. I wanted to ask Mrs. Cullen what she thought and I needed to speak with my father, of course, but I knew that neither of their opinions would keep me from following through. Because Edward and I were in love, and aren't people that are in love supposed to end up together?

I had this thought as I watched Edward wave goodbye to his mom from the door. The warm summer breeze drifted through my open window and I breathed it in as I watched him cross the yard to the passenger side, smiling at me when we made eye contact. And when he smiled at me, I couldn't help but feeling like my plan would work and that we would be okay, that we would be together.

And just as quickly as the smile appeared, it disappeared again and Edward's eyes rolled into the back of his head as he collapsed to the ground.

I heard nothing except for the familiar ringing in my ears until I realized that it was the sound of my screaming.

* * *

><p>Stay with me, readers.<p>

Thank you all for waiting so patiently for this chapter. Tell me in your reviews if you know that feeling I'm talking about in the beginning ;)

-ItIsRaining


	7. Chapter 7

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

In rare moments when something so vital to your existence is at risk, you become hyper aware of your surroundings. They call it flashbulb memory. All of your senses light up at once like you're taking a picture. Something violently tugs at your core and you see everything around you and nothing at all, all at once. I remember the sound of the cardinal's song cutting off as my anguished scream ripped through the neighborhood. I remember the fragrant summer breeze and the sun beating down on the perfect seventy-something-degree day. I remember that it was about 10:05 in the morning. I remember the outfit I wore— a short brown skirt and tank top with an indigo colored cardigan. I remember the sound of pounding feet in the house, and then on the grass. I remember not being able to open the door of my truck, trying and missing the handle because I wasn't looking and unable to figure out which way it had to be turned. But really, I didn't see any of that. Really, all I remember is finally getting out of the truck and seeing Edward on the ground, staring in my direction as I clambered over to him.

In my panicked state, I couldn't make sense of what was happening to him. He lay there, but not really. His body twitched spastically and his eyes were wide, his forehead creasing. I tried to get to him, tried so hard, someone held me back with one arm, Mrs. Cullen. Edward's father arranged his flailing arms to his sides and attempted to straighten his legs.

Then suddenly, it stopped. Edward just stopped moving, stopped doing anything. His eyes closed and his whole body went limp. My heart lurched; he was unconscious. I heard shouting then, someone telling me to call an ambulance. I couldn't move, couldn't make sense of the words. Mrs. Cullen ran into the house, presumably to find a phone since I was so useless. I crawled on my hands and knees over to Edward where his father had positioned him on his side. After a few minutes, he drew him up into a sitting position with his back against his chest. Edward's head flopped backwards on to his shoulder.

I reached out and touched his cheek. He was so warm.

"Bella, calm down. Shhh," someone said.

Then, I felt the tears hit my arms and thighs. I must have been sobbing loudly.

I didn't know what to do. Couldn't find the words to ask what was happening. I touched his hair, over and over again, running my hands through it and massaging his scalp, trying to offer him some comfort.

The ambulance got there, then.

You always see them drive past you. You pull over for a few seconds as they go by, you may wonder what happened, how badly someone was hurt. Then, the intersection is clear and you keep driving, you forget about it because you have an appointment that you're going to be late for.

Have you ever had the ambulance come for you? They're really loud. Unnerving.

The EMT's got out of the ambulance and talked quickly with Edward's parents as they secured him to a stretcher. Words flew around me like, "breathing" and "anesthesia". I watched his limp form get carefully loaded into the back with tears streaming down my face.

Mr. Cullen climbed in after him and his mother walked around to sit in the front seat. The male EMT who had been helping Edward looked in my direction for a moment, sighed, then grabbed my hand and pulled me into the back with him and Edward's father. I looked up at him gratefully, and he tried to give me a reassuring smile.

I stared at Edward's face the entire drive to the hospital. He's sleeping, I told myself. He's so beautiful. I love him. I love you.

The EMT and Mr. Cullen looked at me. I must have said that out loud. I didn't care.

They took his vitals and tried to stabilize him while I watched on helplessly. Although I knew Edward's father was a doctor, I noticed that he did not participate in their ministrations on his son. I wondered if this was some kind of a rule, that he was not allowed to help because of the emotional liability. Looking at him now, I understood how that may be a problem. His eyes looked hollow like he was trying to keep a greater emotion from bubbling to the surface. When the EMT could not help him any further, Mr. Cullen slipped his hand into Edward's and brought his forehead down to it, resting his elbows on the surface of the stretcher.

I brought my hand up and held Edward's other hand where it lay. And we sat on either side of him for the rest of the drive just praying for him to come back.

My friend the EMT could do nothing for me when we got the hospital. Edward's parents could do nothing for me. I had to stay in the waiting room while they wheeled Edward away. Family only, no friends. I could scream that I was in love with him, that I couldn't stand being away from him and I wanted to, but they wouldn't be able to help. Protocol.

I sat in a chair in the lobby and waited. For hours.

It was a Sunday night. I had school tomorrow. I didn't care. I'm sensing a pattern.

I thought for another few hours about how many other things didn't matter.

Brown. Brown wood floors. Light brown ceiling. Brown modern chairs. A nurse walked by. Dark brown scrubs.

It was a beautiful hospital. It really was. Atmospheric floodlights lined the ceiling, lighting up the wood floor and the hallway that Edward disappeared into seemed to stretch for miles. The picture windows that lined the wall across from me opened up to a courtyard with tall, thick-trunked maple trees and a glittering pond. I bet they had koi fish in that pond. It reminded me of the garden that Edward and I found by the school.

And then I was crying again. Out of frustration, out of worry, out of heartbreak. I didn't know what was happening. I had told him I loved him. He told me he loved me as well. That was all I knew. It was only natural that the day after we confessed this, his body would shut down.

I stopped crying after awhile because I realized that I was feeling sorry for myself, and it didn't feel right when Edward was in some corner of this hospital, far away from me, unable to even move.

I wondered what they were doing to him. If he was cold, there was no way for him to tell them. Did someone cover him with a blanket, just in case? Suddenly, I was panicking. So many things could be wrong, he could be hurting, and he wouldn't be able to tell anyone. God, I hoped he wasn't cold.

Another nurse walked past me. I stopped her and she looked at me sympathetically.

I hated it.

I asked her if she knew anything about Edward Cullen, he had come in a few hours ago. She shook her head and told me she was sorry, but she could try to check what room he was in to see if she could page one of his family members.

I looked up at her, then. Her nametag said 'Kindred'. Her strawberry blonde hair was pulled tightly into a ponytail. She looked at me expectantly, but she was patient. I nodded, my eyes welling up with tears that wouldn't spill over.

"Thank you," I said as she walked away.

She turned around and smiled at me and then continued toward the front desk.

I watched the hour hand wind around the large old- fashioned clock at least twice, counting each minute that the other hand ticked. No one ever came.

I started counting the wood panels on the floor in the room in which I was sitting: 98. The lights on the ceiling: 24. The number of people in wheelchairs that either came or left through the large automatic doors: 13.

Charlie called me. I realized that my phone was ringing too late and missed it. He called me again and I answered this time.

"Bella, where are you?" His voice was questioning, but firm.

Mine was emotionless. "I'm at the hospital."

"You're what? What happened?" He almost yelled.

"Dad, I'm fine, it's not me…it's Edward," I whispered the last part.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I told him everything that I knew. Edward had a seizure. Edward was unconscious. Edward was at the hospital. No one would tell me a goddamn thing.

He told me he was on his way.

And then I waited some more.

It occurred to me randomly that I might have work tomorrow. I texted Mallory and told her to take my shift if I had one. I didn't even ask. I didn't care.

I stared at the beige wall for a while. Then, at the birds fluttering around the trees in the courtyard. I stared in the direction that they took Edward and watched the nurses coming and leaving.

I wondered where they were all going, why they were walking so slowly and why every single one of them was not rushing to Edward's room.

I wondered where he was right now. Was he even on the same level as me? Even in his unconscious state, did he sense that I was here in this hospital, waiting for him? I hoped he did.

"Hey, kid."

Charlie's greeting ripped me from my thoughts. I hadn't even heard him walk up. More time must have passed since I got off the phone with him then I realized.

He was holding a brown paper sack in one hand and still had his uniform on.

"Hi," I said hoarsely and then cleared my throat. I patted the chair next to me.

He sat down and passed me the paper bag. I removed the contents to inspect them, pulling out the sandwich and staring at it for a few seconds…avocado. Shit.

It seems that when you think you've cried yourself out, that all of the moisture in your body has already leaked out of yours tear ducts and there's nothing left, that's when it hits you the hardest. I cried like I never have before, big dry sobs that made passersby turn to look.

"Alright, alright. Okay. Shhh." Charlie pulled me to him and I rested my head on his shoulder while the tears came in earnest.

When they finally ceased, I sniffed a few times and righted myself in my chair. I looked at the sandwich again and realized that Edward and I never went to breakfast, so I hadn't eaten yet today. Neither had he.

"Dad, what time is it?"

"I came straight here after work. It's almost six."

I looked out the window to the courtyard in disbelief, but the long summer days were deceiving and the sun still shone brightly, as if it were afternoon.

I figured I should probably attempt to force some food down my throat. I took a few tentative bites and they tasted so good that I devoured the rest, occasionally sipping on the apple juice box that he had also stuck in the bag.

I wondered if someone had thought to feed Edward, or how they would even go about doing that in his state, and that brought on another round of quiet tears.

"I've never seen you like this, Bells," Charlie said quietly.

I sighed deeply and looked at him. His eyes were worried and looking at me questioningly. I shrugged without an answer.

"You like this boy a lot don't you?"

I nodded slowly and kept my eyes on his.

He thought for a few moments, looking at the ground. Then, he nodded.

"Edward is a special kid. I know it probably doesn't matter much…but I like him a lot. He's good for you."

He finally looked at me again. I smiled for the first time in what felt like years.

"Thanks, Dad."

Charlie nodded and stared through the windows across the room.

"I love him, you know," I said quietly.

He sighed, "Yeah, I know, kid." He patted my knee and kept his hand there. We stayed like that in companionable silence for a very long time.

After a few hours, Charlie sighed and looked at me again.

"I heard the Cullen's were moving to Chicago," he said hesitantly.

I frowned in thought. With all that had happened in the past few hours, I had completely forgotten about my anguish from the night before.

I sighed heavily, "Yes, that's right."

He nodded. "So what happens now?"

"I don't know."

I supposed I could tell him that I had figured out a plan, a way for Edward and I to be together. Tonight, though, it didn't feel right. Tonight was dedicated to a completely different worry. I promised myself that I would talk to Charlie soon enough, and we were silent again.

Finally, Mr. Cullen emerged from the hallway to our right, wearing the same clothes from this morning which were now wrinkled and looking tired and older than when I had seen him last.

I flew out of my seat, but just stood there, not making any attempt to rush over to him. Suddenly, I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear whatever news he had for me. I wasn't sure if I could take it.

He walked over to us slowly and greeted Charlie with a handshake. He looked at me, then, a very small smile on his face, and nodded.

I didn't even know what it was about, or what it meant, but it was a reassuring kind of nod and relief flooded my entire body. Before I realized what I was doing, I pulled him into a hug. Apparently, a very tight one, because all of the air whooshed out of his lungs and he gave a small laugh.

I pulled back quickly, desperate for information, while wiping a few tears of an entirely different kind off my face.

"So, so," I spluttered, "what's going on? What was that about? He'll be all right? Where is he?"

He waited for my hysterical outburst to end before answering, "Well, we were correct in our fears. The tumor did come back, but it was very small, about a centimeter wide."

"And that was enough to cause the seizure?"

"When it's located in the wrong part of the brain, yes. They had to do a craniotomy immediately, so he's still in surgery right now," I frowned and my breathing came a little quicker, wondering how this could possibly be good news, "But Bella, it's a fairly simply operation, only a few hours, and we think that he'll be in complete working order after some time."

"Some time…" I said quietly.

"Yes, he'll need physical therapy for a few months." I nodded slowly. He put his hands on my shoulders and squatted down to my level, "He'll be okay, Bella."

"Okay," I said quietly, "okay," and then I nodded.

"How long until he's…" I trailed off.

The right side of his mouth turned upwards in a smile that reminded me so much of his son. I could've cried, but I didn't. It felt redundant now.

"They should be done in about two hours, but it'll take him some time to wake up."

I nodded.

"I can get you in to see him as soon as he's awake."

I looked up at him curiously, my eyes wide. "Aren't there, like, visiting hours for _friends_?" I put air quotes around the word.

He nodded his head to the side a little, "Well, working here has its benefits. We won't get caught," he winked and then added seriously, "He'd want you to be there."

I thought of him lying in his room, tired and confused, wondering where I was. My heart broke just imagining it.

I nodded, "I will be."

* * *

><p>So, this chapter wasn't easy to write obviously, but it's done now. Yay.<p>

Well, last chapter didn't get many reviews at all, but the ones I got were _amazing_ and it got a lot of hits! Thanks guys!

Also, I got a twitter? Well, not really. Someone made a twitter for me. I still have to figure out how it works, but I'll probably post stuff on there once I do. http : / twitter . com /IDontKnowBabe  
>I think it probably speaks for itself.<p>

Alright, clicking that review button will get you a very special something at the end of this story (which you'll probably get anyway, but whatever) and you're gonna want it! Speaking of that, we have probably about two or three chapters left and maybe an epilogue, so review! Please?

-ItIsRaining


	8. Chapter 8

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

Charlie left to go back to work at about six in the morning. He had stayed with me overnight in the waiting area of the hospital, only leaving once to go get us breakfast.

He had still been there when Mrs. Cullen came to notify me that Edward was out of surgery. They transferred him to a room in the ICU so they could monitor him closely and wait for him to regain consciousness.

I had let out a long, shuddering breath that I didn't know I was holding when I finally heard the news that the operation was a success.

I made her promise me that she would come get me as soon as I could get in to see Edward, even though I already knew she would. For some reason I felt like I needed some kind of control over the situation, like if it were corporeal, I could just grab it and tell it the way things were going to be. I settled for solidifying my time with Edward.

After Charlie left, things were very quiet in the lobby of the hospital. Apparently, not too many people were involved in fatal accidents before rush hour even began. The sun was just beginning to rise from behind the dawn clouds and cast a reddish-orange glow on the lobby as it shone through the large windows. The early-morning nursing staff all walked in carrying cups of coffee for everyone, handing them out routinely and exchanging smiles and gratitude.

When they settled into their various duties, their chatter gradually died out and the fog of calm descended once again.

I sat back in my chair and let my head go slack, looking toward the ceiling. For the first time in almost twenty-four hours, I felt somewhat peaceful.

I would see him soon.

As I considered this, it suddenly dawned on me that he might have some kind of physical disabilities as a result of the operation. I knew nothing of how these surgeries worked, but didn't people usually lose some of their motor skills when doctors went digging close to important parts of their brain? Mr. Cullen had said he would need physical therapy, but they couldn't be sure what kind until Edward woke.

I wondered if this should bother me…for a few seconds. It was Edward. There would never be a single thing about him that would bother me. Maybe it was a juvenile thought, but I would never find a reason to say it was untrue.

A nurse walked up to me then, smiling somberly. I recognized her from our meeting the day before, Kindred. She was carrying several things in her arms, which were wrapped in plastic and made squeaky noises as she moved.

She handed the plastic-encased items to me. "You look like you could use these," she said, smiling.

I examined the package closely. There looked to be a blanket, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a washcloth, and some kind of lavender soap wrapped up neatly and close together, as if this were a standard-issue hospital assortment of commonly needed items.

Looking down at myself, I realized that I had been wearing the same clothes for more than a day, I hadn't showered, I had barely eaten, and I felt run-down like the longer I sat in this room, the more energy fled my body as if it was unwanted.

I looked up at Kindred and smiled apologetically.

"Thank you," I said softly.

She nodded and sat down next to me, in Charlie's former seat.

"How's he doing?"

I shrugged a little, "Good, I think. He's out of surgery. His mom said it went well."

"Edward was his name?"

I nodded.

She smiled knowingly. "Yeah, Gwen is his nurse," she paused in thought for a moment.

"Are you his girlfriend?"

I nodded again and smiled.

"I figured that was the case. No one would camp out here for days if they were worried about just a friend."

After a moment I could only shrug in response, still smiling and thinking of the new status of our relationship: in love.

I realized she was staring at me a little oddly.

"What is it?"

She shook her head, laughing, "Nothing. It's just that…between you and me, Gwen's told me some things. I think you and Edward are probably pretty good for each other."

"Why do you say that?"

"You're beautiful, Bella," I looked down at my clothes and laughed. "I know that's a little strange coming from someone you just met, but it's still true. Gwen tells me he's quite a dashing young man."

I looked at Kindred a little more closely, then. She couldn't have even been much older than I was, twenty-seven at the oldest, but she carried herself with the maturity of someone much wiser and used phrases that I might have heard my grandparents say. I liked her; she was charming.

"He is," I said laughing. "I care for him a lot."

She scrutinized me for a moment.

"More than a lot I think."

I looked at her and nodded.

"He'll be okay," she said, patting my knee, "he's in good hands."

We parted ways after she pointed me in the direction of what she called some "pretty decent" bathrooms, which were down the hall to my right.

I walked to them in a daze, my mind racing over the events of the past day as well as my conversation with Kindred.

After walking to the mirror, I began to cleanse myself of the day's grime, wishing I could also scrub away the worries in the corners of my mind.

When I felt human again, I dug around in my purse, which Charlie had brought me after his doughnut run this morning, looking for change.

After locating a vending machine and buying myself a very nutritious meal comprised of chocolate-covered pretzels and Sprite, I found my chair again and waited.

It was that time of day where every second feels twice as long and the sun looks as if it's paused its movement across the sky.

Midday.

Noon.

I would say torture, but I think I was beyond that point. It was almost like my life force and personality had paused themselves with the sun, and they wouldn't resume until I saw Edward again; like the kiss that woke Sleeping Beauty.

When I felt as if I would go mad from anticipation, I saw Mrs. Cullen's figure moving toward me from the long, dark hallway. She approached me quickly and I sat up ramrod straight in my chair, waiting for her news.

She called my name before she had time to reach me. I walked briskly to her and as I got closer, I could see that she was smiling and out of breathe.

"He hasn't been awake long. We told him what happened and he was a little confused, but—" she was cut off by her own laughter. "He's on painkillers so he bounced back pretty quickly," she chuckled again.

I laughed with her breathlessly, the relief in my chest too strong to make more of an effort. Joyful tears stung my eyes, but didn't spill over.

"Can I see him now?"

She whipped her head in the direction from which she came, then back at me. "Yes, but we'll have to be quick about it. The nurse has to check on him every hour."

She started pulling me down the hall by my hand. I was quick to follow.

"He has a hard time staying awake for very long, so it's been back and forth all day. Try to keep him awake."

We turned a corner and I was looking at a different part of the hospital for the first time in more than twenty-four hours, but we stopped almost immediately at a room to the right. More relief flooded me when I realized how close he had been through most of this process.

She put a hand on my shoulder and told me to wait there, then, walked into the room. She came out just after a few moments with an amused smirk set on her face.

"Come on in," she said and took my hand again.

I walked into his room.

Edward was lying on his back with his eyes closed in a deep slumber.

I felt my entire being relax in his presence, finally.

A white, gauzy bandage was wrapped all the way around his head. Pieces of his hair escaped and fell haphazardly across his forehead. There were faint circles underneath his eyes and he looked staggeringly pale underneath the fluorescent hospital lights.

And yet, I couldn't recall ever having seen something so beautiful in my life.

His mother's hand on my shoulder broke my gaze and I turned to her.

"I'll let you wake him up," she said with a smile. "Just be sure that he does."

I nodded and smiled in return.

She patted me as she turned to leave. "I'll be back in awhile."

Edward sighed deeply in his sleep as I pulled a chair as close to his bed as I could get it. I took a moment to just stare at him in this state, wondering if he would ever be in a condition where I wouldn't find him attractive. I laughed at my own thought and shook my head.

Not wanting to let him sleep for longer than he was supposed to, I ran the back of my hand over his smooth, delicate cheekbone. He smiled slightly and turned his head in the direction of my hand, still asleep.

"Edward," I whispered and he stirred.

I lay my hand on the side of his face with more pressure. His eyes fluttered open and his brows furrowed with the onslaught of the harsh light.

His eyes darted around the room confusedly for a few moments before the settled on me. I just smiled at him.

"I was dreaming about you," he whispered.

"Were you?"

He hummed and nodded, nuzzling his face closer to my hand, which still rested on his cheek.

"What was the dream about?" I prompted.

He blushed and smiled, looking down at his hospital gown. "It was more like I was remembering the other night."

I let out a small gasp of a laugh, the feeling of him lying next to me conscious and tumor-free finally setting in.

"You remember that?"

He nodded, smiling to himself. "I don't remember much…like yesterday. I don't remember that at all. But, I do remember the night of my birthday."

I moved my hand to his and lifted it to my lips. I moved it back to his side, still encased in mine.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he sort of choked out, as if he was trying to hide the tears in his voice, but was too exhausted to make much of an effort.

"Don't you dare apologize to me for seizing."

"They said you were there…" he trailed off.

I nodded.

"How long have you been here today?" He asked, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"I never left," I said quietly.

He shook his head blindly, having lost the battle with his eyelids.

"Bella," he sighed, "I knew it."

I laughed and moved my hand to his head to play with the hair that was not hidden by the bandage.

"You have to keep your eyes open, baby," I whispered to him.

He nodded and roused himself.

"Where did you sleep?"

I looked down at my lap in surprise. The thought that he provoked had never occurred to me.

"I didn't, I guess."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chastised.

I shook my head at him, barely awake and yet, so full of life. I couldn't keep myself away from him any longer.

When I had secured his head in place between my hands, I leaned forward and kissed his full lips softly.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You don't have to thank me for kissing you, Edward. I wanted to, obviously," I laughed.

"That wasn't what I was thanking you for, but thanks for that too, 'cause I'm kind of gross right now."

I rolled my eyes. "You could never be gross."

"Whatever. I was thanking you for staying. Not just last night, but…always."

Though is words were jumbled and confusing, I knew what they meant.

"You know why I did it," I whispered and he nodded.

This conversation was almost as significant as the three little words that led up to it a few nights prior. It wasn't just about convenience or the fact that we enjoyed each other's company more than any other person's in the world. We were different now: committed. It was apparent in how he fought with himself to be with me and how I fought with normalcy to be with him.

It wasn't love that had changed us, though. Falling in love with each other was the easiest part of our whole experience, natural and steady.

Realizing that we were in love, however, put things into perspective. Since we were both willing to fight for that love, we now understood that it meant an atypical kind of commitment for two high-schoolers.

For us, though, it felt right.

Edward awkwardly scooted over to the opposite side of the bed and patted the space next to him.

I climbed in gingerly, careful not to jostle him, and lay my head on the pillow across from where he lay.

With our hands still clasped, we stayed like that until Edward's parents came back into the room to inform us that the nurse was on her way to check on him again.

Two days later, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Ben, and Angela…all of them came to visit him. They brought stupid singing cards and obnoxious balloons and I was so crazy in love with all of them in that moment that I had to leave the room because of the ridiculous tears in my eyes.

They each hugged me in turn as they left.

I spent my time going back and forth in between work and the hospital and hardly ever going home, having already made sure that someone was covering my shifts for the next few days.

Finally, after a week of routine tests, questions, "how-do-you-feel's", "can-you-lift-this's", and "are-you-sure's", Edward was allowed to go home.

They were required to implement a physical therapy program into his daily routine for full recovery of his motor skills and basic coordination.

As it was, he tended to stumble around a bit and accidentally run into walls, he got dizzy very quickly if he walked for too long, and his hand-eye coordination was a little off.

He found it endlessly frustrating; I found it endlessly adorable.

The trainer they hired came to the Cullen's house seven days a week and was gloriously covered by health insurance.

He had Edward doing walking and running exercises, complicated stability workouts…and weight lifting.

I made a point of making sure to be there the days the weight lifting happened. Edward's formerly long, thin frame started looking athletic and strong and so, so attractive. Within weeks his biceps were bulging in a way I had never seen on him and his pecs and shoulders were visible even when covered by clothing.

We spent many summer nights curled up on beds and couches, where I could get used to the feel of his new body beneath my fingertips.

It became more difficult than I thought possible to keep our hands off one another in places where teenagers are not supposed to be touching each other.

And eventually, it became impossible.

A few nights after my seventeenth birthday, which had been equally perfect when shared with him, I drove Edward and I to a movie, since he was not yet cleared to drive.

Afterwards, I took him home with me, knowing that Charlie had another overnight shift at the station.

I think we both knew what was going to happen that night; you could feel it in the atmosphere like a faint tint of serendipity. It was meant to happen then.

It felt so much different from what I had thought it would feel like. When you picture things in your mind, they always flash through so quickly that you can never appreciate the details, just the subject.

What Edward and I did happened very slowly. We took our time undressing each other, pausing to kiss and touch places that we'd never seen before, and reveling in each other's closeness.

Though we were measured and careful, eventually it happened and Edward cried when he hurt me. I laughed at his sensitivity, and wiped his tears away while I assured him that I was fine.

He got caught up in the moment quickly, though, and didn't last for very long. Yet, he was sure to make me feel the same thing that he had just experienced, using his tongue and lips on me. I hated it at first, feeling so embarrassed and incredibly vulnerable, but after he started…I really, really didn't hate it any more.

Weeks flew by after that night and I lived on an Edward-induced cloud of happiness. Nothing could compare to the feeling of having him safe and healthy in my arms. I was starting to sound like a Nicholas Sparks novel, but it was true.

However, even as I floated around on my cloud, I was aware of the dark grey storm cloud that still loomed overheard, waiting to cast its ugly shadow on our temporary bliss.

I was painfully aware of this fact when I stepped into the house one humid August night. Though it was late, the lights were still on and I could hear Charlie moving about the house.

I was prepared to haul myself upstairs for the night when I was intercepted by Charlie's strained voice.

"Bella," he said from behind me.

I turned around on the stairs to face him. He was standing at the foot and holding an envelope in his hand. It had already been torn open and the letter that it held resided in his other hand.

"What is this?" he asked quietly, holding up the offending note.

I knew exactly what it was. I had almost forgotten about its pending arrival because of the whirlwind of events from the past few weeks.

"What's it look like, Dad?" I asked with a shrug, at a loss for consoling words.

His tone grew angry and he almost yelled, "Are you kidding me, Bella? Didn't you think you should talk to me before making a decision like this?"

I had nothing to say. I knew that I was wrong in not telling him, but I thought I would have more time. I just stood there and looked at him guiltily.

"This is about Edward, isn't it?" He asked more quietly.

I nodded my answer. "I love him, Dad."

He sighed; long and heavy.

"I know you do, Bells, but this? You don't think this is taking it a bit far? I mean this is…" he couldn't finish his thought.

I stepped down to his level on the stairs before I shook my head.

"I _really _love him."

Charlie was quiet for a very long time. I sat down on the bottom step of the stairs and he sat at the chair from the dining room table closest to me.

Finally, he nodded.

"Okay, Bella."

I looked up at him.

"Really?" I whispered.

He nodded again.

"You're mother and I, you know we made that deal a long time ago right? She and Phil would cover these expenses and I would pick up everything else."

I nodded along.

"You should call her tomorrow to tell her."

"I will."

We were quiet again until I broke the silence.

"Thank you, Dad," I said, then stood up and hugged him.

A few days later, I was woken up by the incessant ring of my cell phone. I looked at the clock on my nightstand: 6:32 AM.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Bella," I recognized Mrs. Cullen's voice on the other end. "We told Edward, he's—" I heard familiar shouting in the background. "He's not taking it well. Can you come over?" She sounded frantic now.

"I'll be right there," I said quickly before hanging up and throwing on yesterday's clothes and grabbing last night's topic of discussion off my dresser.

It took me half the time to get to the Cullen's house than it normally did and I barely had enough time to put the car in park and turn it off before I was running to the front door.

I heard the shouting before I even got inside. It sounded out of place in this household, where they normally were so in sync.

Three heads whipped in my direction when the screen door rattled closed behind me.

I heard Mrs. Cullen say my name at the same time that Edward yelled, "I'm not going!" and stomped toward me, grabbing my hand and walking outside the same way I had just come.

He started angrily walking off into the forest behind his house before I yanked on his arm and screamed, "Edward, stop!"

He stumbled a bit as he turned and a hand flew to his head as if he was dizzy. I put my arms around his waist to stabilize him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered hurriedly, pushing his hair from his face and feeling his forehead, "I wasn't thinking. Are you okay?"

He shook his head and took my hand in his, "I'm fine," he whispered, "It was my fault. I'm sorry I acted like that."

"It's okay." I kissed him.

"Did you know?" His eyes filled with tears.

I brought my forehead to his and nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered, agonized, the tears flowing freely.

I shook my head and my tears mixed with his.

"Your mom told me the night of your birthday and then, there was no time and I didn't want to stress you more. You were just so happy!"

We couldn't talk any more. We just stayed like that, our hands clasped between us and our foreheads pressed together, until we could breathe again.

"I can't go, Bella," he whispered.

I looked into his eyes.

"You have to go."

He shook his head and looked to my right, the tears falling in fresh torrents down his cheeks and onto his shirt.

"Your Dad can take care of you there, Edward." I took his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "Your family will have stability again."

"I'm not going," he was unable to speak above a whisper.

I took a deep breath, looking into his eyes, and reached into my bag, pulling out the letter. I handed it to him.

He looked at it for a few moments, unable to make sense of what I had handed him.

I saw the realization in his eyes before he even spoke.

"University…" he said quietly, trailing off.

"Chicago." I finished for him. "University of Chicago."

He looked up at me from the letter.

"Acceptance," he said.

I smiled a little through my tears.

"I talked to my Dad last night. I'm going next year."

His breath hitched before he said, "Next year. Next year is…in a year," he almost sobbed. "What about this year?"

I exhaled shakily.

"You'll wait for me right?"

His bottom lip trembled as more tears fell. He nodded and held my face to his.

"I'll wait for you."

* * *

><p>I'd like for you all to read the author's note on my page here, if you would: http :  rainfallsnow . livejournal . com/

I hope you'll excuse the lack of a graphic sex scene. I would not ever recommend trying to write about your own sex life, it's weird and it feels creepy.

May I reiterate for those who might have missed it in a previous author's note: This story does have a happy ending. Not to fear! Just stick with me, I think you'll like the outcome.

I switched the Chicago school in which Bella applied to in this chapter, again just for anonymity and privacy.

Lastly, I have figured Twitter out and, unfortunately, I like it a lot! I've been using it a bunch, so if you're on twitter...follow me, yo! I'm at /IDontKnowBabe

-ItIsRaining


	9. Chapter 9

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

All of the news came the same week.

A dry, sweltering August day the week before school was set to start for both Edward and I, Mr. Cullen found us lounging on the couch in front of the TV, limbs intertwined as much as possible.

He smiled a little, acknowledging me before asking for a moment alone with Edward.

I looked at him hesitantly before kissing Edward on the cheek and dismissing myself for the night. He squeezed my hand as I walked away.

After I padded up to the bedroom, I unplugged my phone and discovered a missed call from Renee. I had left her a voicemail the night after my acceptance letter had come. I only let her know the basics: I picked out a college, I needed the money from my fund, and I would talk over the details with her later.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was just after 6. Still early enough in Florida to justify a phone call.

It rang a full three times before I heard anything on the other end.

Muffled voices, shuffling, and the sound of a small dog barking was all there was for a good ten seconds. And then, finally, a curt, "Yes. Hello."

"Hi, Mom," I all but sighed into my cell.

"Bella."

"Yep."

"I got your call last week. I'm sorry I didn't return it sooner." She sounded distracted.

"It's okay."

"But, honestly Isabella, I have no clue what you were going on about."

It took me a moment to answer. "What do you mean?"

"College fund? I thought that was Charlie's thing." She sounded like she was eating now.

"Charlie's thing? Mom, what?" I floundered for words. "Do you not have the money?"

"What money Isabella? Where do you even think you're going?"

"University of Chicago," I said quickly, distracted with the first part of her statement. "Mom, are you telling me that I don't have a college fund?"

"Don't use that tone with me, Isabella. We've been over this. I don't know what you're talking about! The University of Chicago? Why on Earth would you move that far from home?"

"I don't see how this is any of your business since, I guess, you have no financial investment in it!"

"Isabella, please tell me this is not about a boy. I swear, if this is about that boy you—"

I stopped listening and bolted out of my room and down the stairs to where Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table.

"You're talking to Charlie now, Mom!"

Charlie looked confused as he stood and took the phone from me.

"Renee?"

I heard shrieking on the other end and something about "your daughter accusing me".

"What are you talking about, Renee?" He asked firmly.

There was a pause as she answered.

"You don't have it?"

More yelling.

"Well, what did you do with it!"

Charlie had walked to the far end of the kitchen and I couldn't hear her any more.

"Bullshit! Don't give me that. We had a deal."

"Absolutely not! She's your daughter just as much as she is mine!"

"No, we—No. Phil knew you had responsibilities!"

Sometime during their screaming match, I went to sit on the bottom stair and began to sob uncontrollably.

I heard Charlie cut their conversation short with some uncharacteristic words and slam the phone on the counter.

He took a few minutes to breathe and then walked over to kneel in front of me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Bella." He took a deep breath and started again. "Bella, Chicago. Are you sure about this?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

He shook his head. "I just…I can take care of this. But, I need you to be absolutely sure."

I squared my shoulders and nodded.

"I'm sure, Dad."

What happened next was strange.

He was silent as he knelt on the floor, breathing heavily after his outburst, and just looked at me. It was as if he had half expected me to say no. But I was adamant, strong. I held my ground.

Finally, he nodded.

"You know, I knew" he began, quietly "God, I knew I couldn't trust Renee."

I understood his hesitation now. I'm sure he wasn't surprised at my decision, just contemplating how unsurprised he was with my mother.

I gave him a few moments to collect himself as I became lost in my thoughts.

"What do I do now?"

Charlie's eyes shifted to my right and then back at me.

"Bella, if The University of Chicago is where you want to go, that's where you'll go."

"But, mom—"

"Just let me finish."

He took a breath and continued. "It wouldn't matter to me if you wanted to go to frickin' Alaska, Bells. You deserve the same opportunity that all of your friends have. Hell, you deserve more than that. So we're gonna make this work alright?"

I nodded, embarrassed, looking at the floor.

"How?"

His eyebrows raised and then dropped while his lips puckered.

"Well, it's still early, so loans…and financial aid. And I'll probably pick up some more shifts at the station for the next year or so."

I exhaled shakily.

He put his hand on my knee and I looked at him.

"Bells," he said warningly. "Worth it. Okay?"

I nodded and hugged him.

That very night, we sat at the old, round kitchen table and calculated exactly how much we would need to get in loans, based on what we had. Charlie assured me that getting them wouldn't be a problem with his perfect credit, but the matter of financial aid was completely up in the air. After we crunched the numbers, added this, and subtracted that, we came up with a rough figure of how much we needed from the school: $9,500 in grants and scholarships, then whatever they could give us in loans.

I sat back in the chair, wide-eyed, and let out a slow breath.

"So, perfect grades this year right?"

"Yep."

And that settled it.

Awhile later, I trudged upstairs, exhausted, and threw myself on the bed.

After digging my phone out of my back pocket, I pressed and held the '4' to dial Edward.

"Hello?" He kind of yelled. He sounded breathless.

I held the phone away from my ear and laughed. He must have heard me and panted through his own laugh as well.

"Did you run?"

"Yeah. I was talking to my dad. Couldn't find the phone, sorry," he said, still panting.

I laughed again.

"What were you guys talking about?"

"Well, actually, can you come over really quick? Or I could come there?"

"You can't drive yet, Edward."

"I could…walk…"

I laughed really loudly into the phone.

"I'll be there soon."

"Kay see you soon love you," he said in one breath and hung up.

Awhile later, I nearly fell through the Cullens' front door when I went to reach for the knob, but Edward was already swinging it open wildly and practically carrying me up the stairs to his room.

A distracted part of me was impressed with the muscle he'd gained.

Especially when he threw me down on the bed, oblivious to the amount of force he could now exert.

"Oof!"

He climbed onto the bed and trapped me with his hands on either side of my head.

"Bella," he half-panted, and then started giggling.

I just continued to stare at him like he'd forgotten to take his Ritalin.

Eventually, he lifted his head from where he had tried to suppress his laughter in my shoulder and took a deep breath.

"Bella," he said again, calmer this time.

"Edward," I mocked.

He laughed once and bit his lip to stop himself.

I shook my head and put my hands in his thick hair, grazing the vertical scar in back.

"What is with you?"

"I'm um, I'm—" he sighed through a smile "—I'm not going to Chicago."

I blinked at him.

"You're not?"

He shook his head so hard that it shook the bed as well.

"Well, not this year. I don't know, I guess my dad pulled some deal with the hospital in the city and they're so desperate for him that they decided they could wait." He was still shaking his head. "But, Bella! We have a whole year! And then you'll go to school in Chicago and we don't have to be apart, like—"

"Oh my god!"

"What!"

"You're staying here!"

"That's what I said, Bella! God, you—"

He didn't get to finish his sentence; because I was on top of him before he could even gasp.

I kissed him hard.

I might've even heard a tiny "ow" muttered from his now red lips.

But I didn't care.

Because I loved him. And he was staying. And I was staying. Then, we'd both go to Chicago.

And then I remembered.

I pulled back.

He followed me.

"Edward, wait," I gasped.

"What, what?" He was still kissing down my neck.

"My mom called today."

He pulled back and looked at me.

"Yeah?"

"I guess she doesn't have my college money anymore. We don't know what she did with it."

"What the fu—"

"Hey, hey, it's ok." I ran my palm down his face and rested it over his mouth so I could finish.

"Charlie and I talked, though, and we're gonna try to make it work."

He sighed.

"Try?"

I nodded.

"How?"

"Well, he's got some money saved, and we might have to get loans, but I need at least $9,500 in scholarships."

Edward nodded really slowly. Then, he stretched out on his back and pulled me down so my head was on his chest. We lay like that for a bit before he spoke.

"Ninety-five hundred."

I nodded a little.

He moved his hand to that spot on my ribs, right below my breast, that made me feel like he was touching me everywhere.

"We can do it, Bella."

I closed my eyes when he said 'we'.

Scared and completely unsure, all I could say was, "I love you."

"Obviously, I love you too."

The weeks passed us by in a flurry of activity.

Late summer faded into fall. As the leaves fell, Edward and I felt the pressure of our future weigh down on us.

Though our senior year was as easy as we knew it'd be, we couldn't participate in the light-hearted senior activities with our peers until our freshman year together was secured.

And we couldn't even know that for at least a few months.

I applied for countless scholarship opportunities.

Fortunately, my grades qualified me for many, while a lot of them required an essay to be written.

I spent the winter indoors, at my desk, typing away shamelessly on my laptop for anything I was slightly qualified for.

I even wrote an essay on the history of toilets.

I was becoming frustrated though, because even after I had exhausted what felt like every single scholarship website on the Internet, I had still heard nothing back as the first blossoms of spring appeared on the trees.

Seeing no other option, Charlie and I began to apply for loans at various banks as a last resort.

We filed for financial aid with The University of Chicago, but we wouldn't even know if we were eligible until April.

The Cullens began their search for an apartment in the city, which only stressed me out more, knowing that my days were numbered. They found one that they fell in love with quickly, and it had an extra bedroom where Edward could stay when he came home from school, which, he decided, would be The University of Chicago.

Edward helped me as much as he could, but outside of moral support, there wasn't much that he could do.

So we waited. And planned. It was all we had to go on, really.

We planned in case I couldn't go to Chicago. But mainly, we planned in case I could.

At some point, it had been decided by both Edward's parents and Charlie that neither of us could afford to stay in the dorms, even if I could afford to go to the school.

My and Edward's first idea was quickly shot down by both parties.

We wanted to get an apartment together. Our parents wholeheartedly disagreed.

So we made a pro/con list. Edward even made a PowerPoint of different apartment options. And somehow, miraculously, amazingly, they eventually agreed.

And so the search began.

This one was unquestionably harder than the search for the Cullen's apartment, since we were on a college student budget. Many of them were old, had no fire escape, or required a half-hour train ride to the school.

It was not an easy task.

Eventually, however, we narrowed it down to a few options, which we weren't sure we would even be able to tour before we had to move in, since none of us had the money to make an extra trip out to Chicago.

As April approached, Edward and I chose a place that we both loved and payed all the bills except electric.

But we couldn't do anything about it until I committed to the school.

The weeks of spring passed us by and Edward's biggest job became keeping me calm under the stress.

When the first days of April came and went without any scholarship offerings or financial aid letters, I lost hope. I was at a loss and completely inconsolable.

Edward and I had come to a decision a long time ago, though. No more sadness. Those times were completely behind us. We rarely allowed each other to feel sorry for ourselves. Our experience taught us that there wasn't time for that.

So we switched to our alternate plans. Plans that didn't include me moving to Chicago with him next year.

Because that's what we did.

We picked up and moved on.

We would make this work.

I focused myself entirely on preparing Edward for his move.

We prematurely went through his things because I needed something to keep my mind busy, throwing out trinkets that couldn't go to Chicago with him, packing the important ones that would stay at his parents' apartment.

My favorite was going through his clothes. I stole a few t-shirts and hoodies of his to keep with me when he was gone.

I was wearing one of his sweatshirts when I came home from work one day. I still hadn't washed it. It smelled of the Cullens' Fresh Spring laundry detergent and Edward's room.

I had the lunch shift, so it was about three in the afternoon when I pulled into the driveway.

I grabbed the mail as I walked in and flipped the red flag down on the box. Going through it distractedly as I walked to the door, I almost didn't notice the non-discreet white envelope addressed to Isabella Marie Swan from the University of Chicago Student Financial Services.

But, the university logo caught my eye as I went to flip it over and I dropped the other letters as I scrambled to look at it.

Slamming the front door behind me, I threw the mail on the table and tore at the letter wildly.

Looking quickly at the top, I saw that it was entitled 'Financial Award Letter'. I skimmed the rest until my eyes reached the bottom.

And then I dropped the letter, and whipped my phone out with my thumb poised over the '4' button. Edward's button.

The bottom of the letter had read: On behalf of the University of Chicago, we are pleased to inform you, Isabella Swan, that you are the recipient of our Aspiring Writers Scholarship based on the essay you submitted. To confirm your interest in taking the scholarship, call (312) 555-4189. Please respond by May 15th. We'd like to thank you for choosing to pursue your education at the University of Chicago. The sum of the scholarship you have received will be stated on the bottom line of this page:

$16,000

* * *

><p>And that's the last chapter, guys.<p>

I am so, so incredibly sorry for making you wait so long. I know excuses don't really make up for that long of a wait, but I've been moving apartments! I feel terrible and I hope to make it up to you with this:

I have amazing news for you. After much pleading and convincing, Grant has written an epilogue from his point of view for this story. It is finished. And it is incredible. Therefore, it will be up shortly.

So don't say your goodbyes yet! Save that for the epilogue reviews, because I doubt I can get him to write an author's note.

Don't forget I'm always at /IDontKnowBabe on Twitter.

-ItIsRaining


	10. Epilogue

Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

I'm in love.

I don't care if that sounds profound or not, I really don't. Because it's true, and I've tried more than the standard of a million times to express how I feel other than a three word statement, only to find out that it's not something that can be done by pressing a few keys or even saying the words out loud.

Which is really too bad, when you think about it. Because most love stories in movies or books involve a profession of these feeling at some point, right?

Wrong. That's bullshit.

Because there is no way in hell I could ever tell you exactly how I feel. Nor could I write it, or act it, or sing it (though I'm tempted to embarrass you by doing the latter).

Love isn't about big, epic confessions or grand gestures.

It's boring, really. At least, it would seem that way from the outside.

It's all about the little moments of perfection.

That time we were sitting on our couch in the apartment, looking around ourselves at the empty shelves and the boxes scattered around the floor.

I sighed heavily with stress and wiped my hand across my forehead. It was so hot in there, in the beginning of our first Chicago August.

You got up and flipped the switch on the wall for the fan. Nothing happened.

Obviously trying not to panic me, you just kept flipping that switch and looking around like it was just a nervous habit.

I raised an eyebrow at you and you just smiled curiously, as if to ask what was wrong, like it wasn't our first day at our new place and things weren't already broken.

I could feel a headache coming on between the stress and the heat, so I whipped off my t-shirt, threw it on the ground, and threw my head to the back of the couch with my eyes closed.

After a minute, I felt the cushions dip with your weight, and you straddled my lap.

I kept my eyes closed and put my hands on your hips, humming.

Then, I felt a light breeze travel across my neck. I shivered and sighed. I heard you inhale and I felt the breeze again, on my chest this time.

You just sat there and blew all over my upper-body until you were breathless, effectively cooling me off.

When you were tired, you lay your head on my lap and passed out as I played with your hair.

And just like that, you got rid of my shitty mood, my stress, and my headache.

I love you.

Another time we were sitting in class, side by side.

It was some kind of humanities course. You signed up for it because it was on my schedule, and took the last spot available.

You were paying attention and taking diligent notes. I was staring at your profile.

It was so amusing to me, to watch your expressions change as you took things in and then wrote them down. Well, the parts you found interesting, at least.

A glance at your notes showed me that from "the man's seductive pose indicates that he is supposed to be a kind of male siren," all you got was "penis=man whore."

And then you'd go back to tapping your pen against the side of your notebook, or your other hand, or your ear, to some rhythm the rest of us couldn't hear.

As you found something the professor was lecturing about particularly interesting, the tapping would become more incessant; quickening and getting louder.

Finally, when he started talking about male genetalia in a different painting, you tapped it so hard against the desk that it flew out of your hand and hit some kid in the head in the front row.

Your eyes went wider than I'd ever seen them and you turned bright red, even though you don't blush. Ever.

The kid started turning around in his seat to look for his attacker, so you scrambled in your chair and hid yourself underneath the counter by my knees.

When he didn't find anyone suspicious looking, he eventually turned around again and I tried gesturing with my head to get you to come out, but you shook yours hard in fear and stayed down there for the rest of the class.

I love you.

Another time, we were kissing heavily in our room on a Friday night.

I had been sitting at the table with my head bent over _Frankenstein_, even though you make fun of me when I do my homework before Sunday night at eight.

You came bursting through the door because it sticks in the winter and you have to throw your whole body into it.

Now normally, I'm really good about not laughing when you do this, but this time your backpack threw you off balance and you landed on the floor, barely missing the corner of the end table.

I couldn't hold in my burst of laughter at this point.

I was still kind of spluttering as I helped you up, but you just shrugged me off and stomped to the bedroom in a huff.

I heard you talking on the phone a few minutes later, but you were quiet and I couldn't hear much.

After awhile, you came out in these tiny shorts and a tank top, having shed your backpack, winter coat, and clothes.

I set my book down and turned around to see you, but you were already in front of me, grabbing me by my shirt and pulling me up and out of the chair.

With your mouth already on mine, you pulled me to the bedroom, and I forgot that I wanted to finish the damn book already. Or maybe I didn't care.

You got rid of most of my clothes really quickly and pushed me down on the bed, climbing on top of me.

Your lips were all over me, but when I tried to take off your clothes, you pinned my arms above my head.

And then you did that thing to my bicep with your mouth that you know I'm obsessed with, and I didn't care any more.

I started making loud noises, but thankfully you remembered to shush me, because we didn't want to be _those _neighbors, silencing me with your mouth over mine.

Then, your hips started doing things that I couldn't ignore, and I broke free of your hands and moved mine to your waist, helping you.

We kept moving and you were making breathy sounds that drove me crazy.

You shifted a little in my lap. I accidentally let a loud noise out and I was right there.

That's when I heard the knock on the door.

You just jumped up smiling and yelled, "Chinese food's here!"

Leaving me panting in the dark, you ran to the door. Point taken. Revenge is yours.

It's funnier now than it was back then.

But even though you played dirty and won, I love you.

We had this little dry erase board in the apartment.

You picked it up at Target in the dollar section because it matched the bins you got for our shelves.

They had polka dots. Don't say I never did anything for you.

We'd often write little notes to each other on it like, "class 'til 12:30" or "getting groceries". It was always just where we were or what we were doing.

You had an 8 AM class on Tuesdays. I never took classes that started before 9:30.

I vaguely remember you getting out of bed one Tuesday morning, but I was still groggy with sleep. You kissed me softly and then went to take a shower.

Right before you leave every day, you always come in to the bedroom to say goodbye.

I usually just mumble something, flip over, and go back to sleep. But for some reason, I was feeling particularly attached this morning, so I grabbed you by the arm and pulled you into bed with me before you could make your escape.

I started kissing all over you, but you were all, "I have to go, I'm gonna miss the L."

With a heavy sigh, I released you and you shuffled quickly to the end of the bed before I could snatch you again.

I fell asleep pretty quickly after that and only barely heard the front door shut closed as you left.

When I woke up awhile later, I sauntered out into the front room, not expecting to see anything out of the ordinary.

But a flash of red caught my eye and I looked over.

You had kissed the dry erase board right in the center before you left. A perfect oval-shaped, red version of your lips marked the boring white of it.

You wear lipstick sometimes. It's weird. I like it.

My heart dropped at the sight. I'm easy to please, but you left this for _me_.

I felt like I was flying as I took a shower and the feeling lasted for hours.

I could do this every day, I thought. For the rest of my life.

Because I love you.

We were standing on the rooftop deck of that guy's apartment building. You know, the one with all the tattoos?

It was New Years Eve.

He had dragged everyone up there, like he does at every party, so we could wait for the countdown and watch the fireworks.

You were freezing.

I could barely see your face in the dim city light, but I heard your teeth chattering.

I pulled you with me by the hand and sat down in one the long chairs, which were scattered about the deck.

Turning you around, I had you sit down with your back to my chest, and zipped you up with me in my jacket.

You sighed and leaned back against me while we watched all the party-goers mull around and talk and laugh.

Our friends found us eventually and we talked with them awkwardly because you refused to leave my lap.

I didn't mind, though.

When the countdown started, they dispersed. We were left to ourselves as everyone crowded around the perimeter of the roof, screaming into the night.

Our own countdown included a lot more kissing and a lot less counting.

But then we heard the loud pop of fireworks and you jumped at the sound.

"Unleash me!"

You were fighting with the zipper of the jacket and laughing at the same time.

When I freed you, you ran to the least populated edge of the roof to watch them.

But I stood back and watched you instead, choosing to walk to your side slowly.

When I reached you and snatched your hand in mine, you turned to me and, I swear to God, the smile on your face gave the city a jumpstart and all of the lights went three times brighter when you flashed it at me.

And when I thought about how ridiculous that would sound if I said it out loud, that's about when I realized it.

I wanted to marry you.

We were arguing one night after dinner as we did the dishes.

It was stupid. Duh. We don't fight.

Something about calling the electric company to fix the oven. The fuse hadn't been lighting for a few days.

I was trying to assure you that the superintendent of our complex could take care of it.

You were convinced that we were supposed to call the electric company about all faulty appliances.

Bringing up the fact that the oven was gas didn't really faze you, because you were already at _that_ point: adamant, and raising your voice, and getting frantic.

You do that when you're nervous.

I would attribute it to your inability to cook with the oven for almost a week.

And then you started breaking down.

I pulled you to me before I could even see the tears glisten in your eyes because then I might have started crying too.

I held you for a few minutes just to get you to calm down. It worked. You were just sniffling as I rubbed your back up and down.

That's when I told you.

You stilled instantly, and I was a little shocked because surely you already knew that.

I was right. You did know.

And then you spoke again.

You wanted to marry me too.

* * *

><p>So, raise your hand if you're crying.<p>

This beautiful epilogue and perfect ending to the story was written by Grant (Edward). Everyone give him a big round of applause. He worked hard on it and I assure you that it would not have turned out this beautifully if I had written it myself. I told him he couldn't use our names, so he compromised and used no names at all. I think it's more effective this way.

We'd like to thank you all for taking such an interest in our story and following along with us as we re-lived it in a way.

For closure's sake, we're both doing well, still living in the city. Still very much in love ;).

I do hope to continue writing within this fandom since it has been such a fantastic experience. And so much fun. So, if you enjoyed this story, put me on author alert, and you may see something new coming your way!

Finally, thank you to all of you: the readers, the reviewers, the tweeters. You're such a smart, funny, witty, passionate group of people and it's been an honor getting to know you. Thank you, again, for even giving this story the time of day.

-ItIsRaining


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